


Chasing Cars

by beckettlovescastlealways



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Modernish AU, Suicide Attempt, but this show is dark, hopefully fluffy eventually, i really don't know what i'm doing, mentions of self harm, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2018-12-20 05:44:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beckettlovescastlealways/pseuds/beckettlovescastlealways
Summary: "We'll survive this." she says taking Heather's hand and squeezing comfortingly "We have to." she closes her eyes and silently prays she's not lying to her.Post shine a light reprise til after senior year is over.





	1. Chapter 1

**_Die alone_ **

Her shaking hands make it almost impossible to get the lid off the yellow bottle.

_**Die alone** _

She sees flashes of Heather and Kurt and Ram and Veronicaout of the corner of her eyes, Heather’s voice in her ears reminds her of the truth, no one will miss her. The lid finally clicks open.

_**Die alone** _

She pours them all in her hand, 13, 13 little yellow pills, she didn't know if it would be enough but she has to hope it would be as she throws them all back, closing her eyes as she does so.

She hears the bathroom door click open.

“No!”

_**Die alone** _

“Stop!”

She hears right before she’s half pushed to the -ground by, “Ronnie.” she whispers tightening her jaw please go, don't stop me. “Suicide is a private thing, Veronica.” She mumbles through the pills.

“In the middle of the school bathroom to become a statistic in USA Today, is literally the least private thing I can think of.” Veronica responds, pulling the shorter girl into a tight hug, Heather’s hands hang limp by her side but she doesn't pull away from the other girl, instead attempting to explain, the pills still in her mouth

“But Heather, and Kurt, and Ram-” she's interrupted by Veronica

“If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?”

“Probably.”

“It’s okay not to be happy all the time, if you were, you wouldn't be human, you’d be a fucking game show host.”

Realizing that she's maybe right, Heather steps back, Veronica releases her from the hug but keeps her hand on her wrist, she slowly spits out the pills into the sink before turning back to Veronica, hugging her, no clinging is closer to what she’s doing, because if she lets go and the other girl disappears she doesn't know what she’d do. After several seconds she begins crying, which slowly turns to full body wracking sobs as her knees half give out, slowly Veronica kneels to the ground, still holding Heather tightly, whispering “It’ll be okay”s, “I got you.”s, “I'm here.”s and “I promise.”s into the blonde’s curls. The door opens again only for Veronica to glare at the freshman who lets out a small squeak before running back out of the room

Slowly, the yellow girl forces her breathing to stabilized and pull herself away from the brunette, “Thank you, Ronnie.” Leaning her head onto the other girl’s shoulder.

“You’re welcome.” She lies her head on the other girls, allowing silence to overtake them again.

“You want to get out of here? Go to the mall?” Heather finally asks after several moments.

“We can go to mine afterwards, play croquet, watch a movie, you can stay the night.” Veronica lets out a soft sigh, “Avoid Duke and everyone else? That sound good?”

“Yeah.” She nods into the taller girl’s shoulder as Veronica slowly stands, offering her a hand up.

“Let me just write a pass for us, okay? Then we’ll go to, Mr. Jackson, I'll grab our bags and we’ll leave, okay?”

“Yeah.” She nods before putting her hand on the blue girl’s shoulder, “Ronnie, really, thank you for coming after me, no one else would have cared.

“Heather, that’s not tr-” she turns away from the paper as blue meets brown

“Don't lie, Veronica, it is, and you know it.” She breaks the gaze, “So thank you.”

“You're welcome.” Veronica pulls her into another hug, this one a bit looser before pulling back and finishing the note, “Now, ready?”

Heather nods before walking out of the room, Veronica following her, catching up with her before they get to the office, handing the secretary the note, “Heather’s not feeling so hot, so I'm gonna take her home.” Veronica says not giving the woman a chance to argue or ask any questions turning on her heels and walking out of the room with Heather trailing behind her. Veronica’s beeline for the gym is stopped by a hand suddenly snaking around her wrist.

Looking back quickly, she sees Heather has almost frozen in the middle of the hallway, looking forward, she sees the assembly must have gotten released as several students are walking down the hall, among them, Heather Duke.

“Veronica. Heather.” The girl acknowledges them with a smirk as if she knows exactly what had happened after both of them left, “Nice to see you’re done with your little breakdowns” she lets out a small laugh.

“Aren't you supposed to be getting your stuff and leaving, Duke? Mrs. Fleming suspended you, unless I misheard that is.” Veronica snaps, walking forward, forcing the crowd to part for both her and Heather, marching into the gym past the stragglers to both their bags, throwing them both over her shoulder before pushing open the door that leads to the student lot her car was parked in.

“I know Heather could be a megabitch, but,” Veronica sighs, “Hell, there is no but, I just want to punch her. I should've before I left.” She unlocks the car door, placing the bags in the back seat before jumping in the driver's seat, “Anyway, the mall?”

“Can we just go to yours?” Heather asks, sounding near another total break down, leaning heavily into the passenger seat her eyes closed.

“Yeah, whatever you want to do.” Veronica responds, putting her hand on the other girl’s squeezing it for comfort before pulling out of the lot.

Veronica’s house is less than ten minutes away from the school, and she had never been more thrilled of the proximity than when she shut the door behind herself and Heather, shutting out the rest of the world for a bit. “Want to put in a movie?” She asks softly, “Your pick.”

Heather nods, “Yeah.” She goes over to the movie case, grabbing Beauty and the Beast, vaguely surprised Veronica had so many Disney movies, Heather and Heather had gotten rid of all of theirs in 8th and 9th grade.

“Good choice.” Veronica smiles, putting the movie in before sitting on the couch, motioning for Heather to join her, who doesn't need much more convincing than that, sitting down and leaning into the taller girl’s side.

“You're comfy and warm.” She mumbles as the movie starts. After several minutes of silence baring the movie she speaks again, “I heard Heather, and Ram, and Kurt, and Heather, and you…” suddenly no attention is being paid to the movie and Heather has all of Veronica’s attention “all telling me to do it, that no one would miss me.” She pulls away from the taller girl as if she had been physically burnt, a few tears slipping out.

“Hey, Heather,” Veronica begins turning towards the other girl, “I’d miss you, okay?” She hugs her, “So, so much.”

The blue girl feels more than sees the shorter girl shake her head, “I just want it to end, please, Ronnie, make it stop.”

“I did too.” The girl responds softly, Heather sits up and hesitantly Veronica slips her cardigan off and rubs at her wrists, revealing several small scars and two long ones going down three-fourths down each of her forearms. What scares Heather most is the three or four fresh cuts and two little burns littered amongst the healed scars.

“Ronnie,” Heather half gasps leaning into the other girl and hugging her, “When?” She asks softly.

“A week before the end of Sophomore year, I was in the hospital until three days after the last day of school.” She shakes her head, putting the cardigan back on, “Mac, please,” she grabs a permanent marker from the table, grabbing the other girl’s arm, writing a phone number that looks vaguely familiar to Heather on the yellow girl’s arm, “If you ever feel like this again, no matter how late or early it is, no matter what's going on, I want you to call me, and I'll be there as quick as I can.”

Ghosting her hand over the other girl’s forearm, the yellow girl whispers, “You too, Ronnie.”

“Okay.” She whispers nodding slowly before hugging Heather again, pulling back only a bit, the blonde still resting her head on her chest as they turn back to the movie.

Several minutes later Veronica looks down to see Heather had fallen asleep, she gives a small smile, shifting a bit, careful not to jostle the other girl turning her attention back to the film.

**She glanced this way, I thought I saw  
And when we touched she didn't shudder at my paw**

Running her hand through the blonde’s hair she feels her fall deeper into sleep, a smile playing on her lips for the first time since Chandler’s death.

**No it can't be, I'll just ignore  
But then she's never looked at me that way before**

 “Well, isn't this cozy?” Heather Chandler demands standing in front of her, “Never took you for a dyke, Veronica.”

“I'm not.” Veronica argues quietly, not wanting to wake the blonde by talking to her dead friend.

**New and a bit alarming  
Who'd have ever thought that this could be?**

“Does JD know? You know, your boyfriend that helped you kill me.”

“I'm just being a good friend.” She looks down at the sleeping girl beside her, “She's going through a tough time.”

“Denial’s not just a river in Egypt, Sweetie.”

**True that he's no Prince Charming  
But there's something in him that I simply didn't see**

“I'm not in denial, I’m just-”

her retort is cut off by a banging on the door, Heather snaps up, “Who’s that?” She asks softly

“Yeah, Veronica, who do you suppose it is?” Chandler asks behind her

“Let me go check.” She responds standing and walking to the door, opening it to reveal her boyfriend in his signature trench coat, a smile on his face that slowly disappears as he sees Heather on the couch behind Veronica.

“Greetings and salutations, Veronica, I was worried when I didn't see you after the assembly.”

“Yeah, I left.” Veronica says leaning against the door.

“I figured. Can we talk, babe?”

“Yeah, I think we should.” She turns to Heather, “Can you go call your parents, let them know you're staying here tonight.”

“You… you were serious about that?” Heather asks standing.

“Yeah, I was,” there's no way Veronica's letting her out of her sight if she has anything to say about it, “Please.” She almost seems to deflate as the past weeks begin weighing on her more and that's more than enough to get Heather to nod, walking toward the kitchen as Veronica and JD step out onto the front porch.

“I'll admit, you had me worried with that little confession of yours but you pulled it off, best place to hide, right in plain sight.” He smiles at her, taking a step forward as if to kiss her, she steps back.

“I didn't want to hide.” She admits, at the revelation, JD steps away from her.

"Why'd you have to meddle with McNamara, one more dead Heather is a good thing, but not only did you stop her, you have her over here and are having her spend the night."

"No, she's my friend." _One of the few I have left._

"Then why are we letting Duke live? The bitch that made McNamara want to kill herself! You see, nothing ever changes-"

"No, I've seen enough of your changes-" Veronica interrupts.

“So we're just going to let Duke run her mouth-”

“Just, don't talk over me.” She sighs, “You promised me.” She suddenly sees a glint at his waist, grabbing at it and pulling out “A gun!” Checking the magazine, “Why do you have a loaded gun? You promised me.”

“It's a dangerous world.”

“Yeah, because of you.” She mutters “You know what, leave, and don't call me.” She hands him the gun back to him, stepping back towards the door.

“Veronica.” He sighs like she’s a naughty child

“No, we’re over.” She responds opening the screen door. “You clearly have no concept of right and wrong.”

“Oh come on,” he begins, Veronica turns to face him, only for her eyes to be drawn to the gun’s barrel, the loaded barrel aimed right at her chest. She freezes, convinced the white door behind her was about to be painted crimson, of course that would probably end all the murders in the school, so there’s an upside. JD realizes why she froze, looking down at the gun he sighs, putting it back in his waistband, motioning for her to go in as he walks down the steps, she opens the door and slams it shut, using all three locks on the door without thinking about it.

“How'd your conversation go?” Heather asks from the couch.

Sighing, the taller girl shrugs, “I broke up with him.” _I wanted to confess to the multiple murders we’d committed in the past couple weeks, He didn't like the idea, he wanted you dead. He pointed a gun at me._

“Oh, I'm sorry, Ronnie.” Heather stands and hugs her, only for Veronica to shake her head.

“It's fine, it's for the best.” _Maybe it'll get better now_. “Let's finish this movie now, okay?”

“Yeah.” Heather nods pulling her onto the couch and pressing play.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara was worried, she was able to calm herself for the first three periods, but then the whispering started during fourth, even then she could ignore them. That was until she begins walking to lunch, two more periods then the pep rally and game then the weekend. She reminds herself as she walks down the hall. Then she starts to listen to the whispers and the eyes on her as she passes.
> 
> “Hung herself.”
> 
> “Her boyfriend told Mrs. F. Or was he her ex now? Do you know if they broke up, what's his name, Jack Davidson?”
> 
> “In her closet.”
> 
> “He's a total psycho, I would've done it sooner.”
> 
> “Veronica. No, I'm sure it was Sawyer.”

“I missed you guys after 8th.” Heather Duke says as she comes up behind both of them as Heather McNamara and Veronica talk before class starts with a smile on her face and Heather’s red scrunchie in her hair.

 

“Yeah, that’s cause we were avoiding you.” Veronica responds standing to face the green girl with a scowl on her face, still not over the fact that two days ago Heather had almost killed herself and Duke was one of the people who pushed her to that point, followed quickly by McNamara.  


“What you did yesterday was not cool, Duke.” Heather adds hanging close to the blue girl.  


“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes, “here, I need you two to sign this.” She says handing Veronica a clip board   


“What’s this for?” She asks hesitantly, trying to find the top of the petition to figure what she’s supposed to be signing.  


“A petition for the governor to declare a day of mourning for the suicide victims.”  


“I'm not signing that.” Veronica replies, “and you shouldn't either.” She says to both Heathers, directing it more towards Mac than Duke.  


“Why are you pulling my dick, Veronica? Besides, it was your boyfriend’s idea, I got everyone to sign it, even the geeks and losers.”  


“JD?” She asks ignoring the fact that he’s now her ex, she looks it over closer, what the fuck is he up to, “Look I don't know what he’s up to but it can't be good.” She tries to convince Duke

 

“You're sure, Ronnie?” The yellow girl behind her asks

  
“Yeah.” Veronica nods, “I'm not signing that. And if you know what's good for you, please just… destroy that thing.”

  
“I'm not signing that either, Veronica knows JD more than any of the rest of us, if she says don't listen to him, I'm not going to.” Mac shakes her head

 

“Fine, I'll just fake your guy’s signatures like I did Martha Dumptruck. She's not in any condition to sign anything today.” Duke smirks

  
The yellow girl sees Veronica’s face drain, “What- What are you talking about?”

 

“She took a dive off the old mill bridge last night.”

 

Veronica is now pale enough to resemble a piece of printer paper, “Oh my god. Is she-” her mouth hidden by cupped hands

 

“Dead? No, just a couple broken bones. Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably.”

 

“Ronnie,” Heather asks putting a hand on the blue girl’s upper arm, “are you okay?”

 

“No.” She whispers before shaking her head “Yes, I'm- I'm fine. I have to- have to go.” She looks up at the clock on the wall, three minutes before class starts, no time for a note, “I'll be back before the rally, okay?” She asks pulling her arm away from Heather and running out of the English class with her bag.  


“Congrats, Veronica, you’re finally a Heather.” Heather Chandler says, Veronica swipes at the apparition as she continues her run to her car. She tosses her bag in the passenger seat and pulls out, tires squealing as she pulls out of the lot.

 

She gets all the way to the hospital before she freezes, dropping to the ground burying her head in her knees, “Martha, I'm so sorry.” She manages between tears. She's unsure how long she stays like that, she just knows she can't go into the hospital and see the state she put her friend in.  


“Come on ‘Rrrronica.” Kurt begins

 

“Come join us.” Ram continues

 

“In Hell.” Heather finishes, offering her hand to the living girl

 

She hits at the ghosts through the tears, standing and running back to her car, the blurt numbers on the dash tells her it's almost the end of second period, not having the stomach for school she starts driving to her house, needing some time to collect herself before heading back to school for the rally.

 

“Where have you been?” Her father demands as she shuts the door behind her

 

“We've been worried sick! The school called and said you weren't in any of your classes. Then your friend JD showed up and told us everything!” Her mom rants, pulling Veronica into a hug

 

“Everything?” She asks, there are no police officers arresting her so there's no way he told them everything. She attempts to calm herself  


“That you're depressed again, having suicidal thoughts. He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick.” Her mother continues as her father hands her a book that is not her copy, she had been one of the last ones to get to the library to get the book as she had been on a school trip, so her copy had half the cover was torn off and a spine barely holding onto the pages.

 

“Gotta give My Chemical Romance credit, he can certainly copy the forger’s handwriting perfectly.” Heather mutters behind her

 

“Mom, Dad, I'm fine.” She tries to make them listen, though they are convinced JD was telling the truth.

  
“Please honey talk to us.”

  
“No, you wouldn't understand.” Veronica mutters seeing movement out her window, JD.

  
“Try me.” Her mom tries to talk to her.  


“Mom, Dad, I swear, I'm fine.” Veronica moves to the stairs, “But I need to change and get to school, I'll explain everything later, okay?” She needs to get up to her room now and try to keep her psycho ex out of her room and her house. She runs upstairs without waiting for a response.

 

She takes a quick right turn into her room she slams the door shut before looking up, only to see her window wide open and standing there in his trench-coated glory is JD, “Sorry for coming through the window, dreadful etiquette, I know.”

 

She runs to her closet, slamming it shut and locking it from the inside? “Get out of my house!” She yells hoping for some way to get out of this mess as he rants behind the door, he’s going to fucking bomb the pep rally and kill everyone, but there's no way for me to stop the bastard here.

 

She sees her freshly folded sheets on the shelf near the door and an idea begins to form, she'd have to be quick, she grabs the sheets and throws them over the rafter, tying a noose that won't tighten. Suddenly the sound of the destruction of her room stops and three gunshots ring out, looking over quickly she sees three holes in her wall. Pulling down, the noose is done and she knows the last thing to make it believable, grabbing a marker she writes two words on the wall behind her before stepping back to the noose “VERONICA, open the door, please, I don't want to fight anymore.” She hears him say as she puts the sheets around the neck, her feet hang almost two inches above the ground and she forces her body to relax as much as possible, “I'm gonna count to three! One two, fuck it!” And another gunshot rings out and JD opens the door “Veronica, no, you, you can't leave me, I can't do this alone.” He pauses, kneeling at her feet, “They did this!” He yells, “They’ll pay for this, Veronica, I swear.” He growls sweeping out of her room and back through the room. She remains hanging there until she can't hold her breath anymore and drops to the ground, slamming her closet door shut and walking out of the house, grabbing her croquet mallet as she heads to her car, praying she could stop this madness.

 

  * •••••••••••••••••••••••



 

Heather McNamara was worried, she was able to calm herself for the first three periods, but then the whispering started during fourth, even then she could ignore them. That was until she begins walking to lunch, two more periods than the pep rally and game than the weekend. She reminds herself as she walks down the hall. Then she starts to listen to the whispers and the eyes on her as she passes.

 

“Hung herself.”

 

“Her boyfriend told Mrs. F. Or was he her ex now? Do you know if they broke up, what's his name, Jack Davidson?”

 

“In her closet.”

 

“He's a total psycho, I would've done it sooner.”

 

“Veronica. No, I'm sure it was Sawyer.” At that last one, she turns to the girl who had said it, it was Megan… something, she was a Junior and one of the drum majors in the band.

 

“What are you talking about, Megan?”

 

“Oh you haven't heard, Heather? After Veronica Sawyer ran off this morning, no one knows where she went for an hour and a half, but then she headed home and hung herself in her closet, JD told Mrs. Fleming during the transition between third and fourth.”

 

Heather steps away from the Junior, “No.” she whispers, _there's no way Ronnie would do that to her, she would've told her, she promised,_ she runs to the lunchroom, grabbing her phone out of her pocket, calling Veronica with the number still easily readable on her forearm.

 

Ring

  
Ring

 

Voice mail

 

“Veronica, please call me when you get this, people… people are saying you killed yourself after you left, but that's bullshit, right? Call me please.” She tries calling a few more times before messaging her several times, after almost twenty minutes, of nonstop attempts to get a hold of her, a pit forms in her stomach. She promised the thought echoes through her head in her pointless attempt to calm herself. Deciding to give it a few minutes, she attempts to eat, the only thing she brought that she thinks she could stomach was a couple yogurt cups, she eats them slowly, forcing herself to swallow and not vomit with each bite.

 

“I'm impressed, Heather, less than two days around you and you have Veronica hanging herself.” She says with a cackle

 

“What do you want, Heather?” The head cheerleader mutters glaring at the girl with the red scrunchie.

  
“Oh, just wanted to be sure you knew about the bitch, wouldn't want you waiting on a dead girl before the pep rally.”

 

“Don't call her that.” Heather mumbles standing and walking out of the room, half running to the bathroom, grabbing out of her bag a yellow pill vial, attempting to open it.

 

“Don't.” A voice behind her says, looking up into the mirror she sees Veronica, “You promised.” The voice begs.  


“So did you.” She snaps at the dead girl, “you said it would stop, Ronnie, but you just made it keep going.”  


“Please, Mac, don't do this, not now, trust me, it's not worth it.” Veronica tries again

 

"In the middle of the school bathroom, that's like the least private thing I can think of." Veronica’s voice argues, she drops the pills in the sink, resting both hands on the edge of the sink, leaning on them and letting a few tears fall, “You promised, Veronica.”   


“Heather?” A voice asks by the door, Jen, next year’s almost guaranteed cheer captain, “Coach is looking for you, she says it's time to dress out, the assembly is in 30 minutes.”  


“Yeah, I'll be right there.” Heather nods, wiping ring the tears off her cheeks, grabbing her phone trying to call Veronica once more. Voicemail again. Shaking her head, knowing she just has to get through this rally, then she can leave, “Please, Ronnie, call me.” she tries before shutting off her phone and throwing it in her bag before walking to the locker room, “Okay, ladies, ready?” She asks with a wide plastered on smile, as she quickly changes into her uniform, “Hey, Jen, think you're ready to lead the team?”  


“Um, yeah?” She answers softly.

 

“Good, I'll take beginning and end, you're leading the ones during the assembly.” Heather told her, as she fixes her hair in the mirror, hoping it wasn't obvious she had just been crying.  


“You're sure?”  


“Yes. Unless you don't think you're able?” She smirks.  


“You can count on me, Captain.” She smiles back.  


“Good,” she sighs, sounding perhaps sadder than she had intended, “Everyone ready? She asks clapping loudly and plastering the smile back on her face.

 

“Yes, Captain.” They all nod.  


“Good, let’s go.” She leads them out of the locker room, all of them spread around the gym, “Come on, Westerberg! Here we go, here we go now!” She begins the battle cry as pep band finishes setting up, then they can cycle so none of the cheerleaders lose their voice. As she looks through the crowd flooding through the doors, for a few seconds she swears she sees Veronica talking to Mrs. Fleming, but there's no way that's correct, the thought is confirmed when she doesn't go into the gym.  


Slowly the crowd finishes filling in as the band plays the fight song before everyone goes silent for the anthem, one of the few traditions people in this school that are listened to by all. The choir begins. then when they get half way through something happens.  


**_O'er the ramparts we watched, were so_ ** **_gallantly streaming._ **

**_And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in-_ **

 

Suddenly there's a loud boom, the windows shatter, and a cloud of dirt and white powder covers the entire building, students scream rushing towards the exits despite the teacher's attempts to get them to sit again. The dust pores in the gym as the doors a pushed open,  


“What the hell happened?”  


“a bomb?”

 

“Is everyone okay?"  


“So much smoke!”

 

“Someone brought a bomb?”

  
“What's that smell?”  


Heather pushes her way up to the front of the crowd, as the dust clears she sees a figure sitting by one of the trees by the football stadium, leaning heavily on it, it’s quickly becoming clear the stadium was the epicenter of the blast, moving closer to the figure she sees the figure is “Veronica?” She yells, breaking out of the crowd running up to the figure, who sure enough was the blue girl, she kneels, brown eyes flutter open to meet hers with an apologetic smile as she pulls Veronica into a tight hug, “Where have you been, Ronnie?” She pulls back, keeping on hand around the other girl, gently resting on her back, the other cupping her cheek, “People were saying you killed yourself after you left this morning.”   


Veronica opens her mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by Heather Duke, “You look like hell.” Looking her over, Heather has to agree, soot, blood, dirt and grass cake the other girl’s entire body, and even with that mess, Heather could clearly see a hand full of burns and cuts on her arms and legs, and a bad cut on her forehead _How close to the blast had she been? How close had she been to actually being the next death at the school._  
  


“I just got back.” Veronica mutters slowly standing, shrugging Heather off her.  


Heather notices she’s clearly favoring her left side as she walks towards Duke, “What are you doing?” Duke asks as Veronica puts her right hand on the other girl’s shoulder, snaking her left hand around the green girl, pulling the red scrunchie out of her hair and holding it up like a prize, kissing Duke on the cheek, leaving a mark of soot and dirt and blood on the green girl's face before she limps to the center of the crowd.

 

“LISTEN UP!” She yells causing a hush to fall over the crowd, “There's a new sheriff in town, and I've got something to say.” She motions to the destruction all around them, “See what being assholes, being dicks, being evil gets us? We’re all broken, damaged, terrified, freaks. But we’ll survive it, we have to. We can't keep killing each other, the world will attempt to do that to us enough without us doing it to each other. Seniors, this is our last year to be kids, after this year, who the hell knows what comes next, so let's just be kids, because this is the last year we’ve got.” At that she stops talking to the group, hoping she's gotten through to them, suddenly she sees a wheelchair close to the front, Martha, “Hey, Martha, are you free tonight?” She asks softly  


“What?” She asks not believing her ears  


“Well my date to the pep rally kinda blew..." Veronica coughs then sighs, shaking her head "Me off, I was hoping if you weren't busy we could do a movie night? Something with a happy ending?”  


“Do those exist anymore?” Martha asks with a frown.  


Veronica kneels so she can look the other girl in the eye “Martha, I can't promise no more clicks or that high school will ever end. But I miss you, and I could really use a friend if you let me be one?”

 

“I think I'd like that. I missed you too, Veronica.” She nods, “How does the ‘Princess Bride’ sound?”  


“It sounds perfect.” Veronica nods, “Is it okay if I invite someone else to our movie night, I think she could really use some friends.” She asks softly  


“Yeah. Sounds good.”  


“Hey, Mac?” Veronica calls the cheerleader over, slowly standing and meeting her a bit away from Martha, “What are you doing tonight?”

 

“Well we had the football game but that doesn't look to be happening, so nothing.” The yellow girl smiles

 

“Martha and I were going to do a movie night. You want to join us?”

 

“Really Ronnie? I was awful to both of you, especially Martha, for years. Do you really think she wants to watch a movie with me.” the yellow girl almost seems to curl into herself as she admits how mean she had been, not that she wasn't anymore, but she didn't want to be anymore.

 

“Yeah, I asked her already, come on, it'll be fun.”

 

“Then I'd love to.” She hugs the taller girl, only for Veronica to let out a small hiss of pain, Heather quickly lets go, taking a step back, “Oh my god, are you okay, I'm so sorry, Veronica.”

 

“It's fine, Heather, I'm just a little burnt and bruised.”  


“‘A little’ is an understatement, Veronica.” Martha interrupts, “Before we do movie night you have to go get checked out.”   


“I'm fine.” Veronica mutters

 

“Ronnie, you can hardly walk, Martha’s right, we can't have you bleeding out on the couch cause you insist you’re fine.” Heather responds, “And if you really are fine, it'll be a quick trip.”

 

“Okay, fine.” She agrees they weren't wrong that she should probably have her ankle and right hand looked at at the very least.  


“Can you take her?” Martha looks towards the cheerleader, “My parents want me home before I do anything tonight.”  


“Yeah, I'll call you as soon as we’re done, okay?” Heather puts a steadying hand on Veronica’s shoulder, “Ronnie, you can't drive like this, and I don't have a car, can I see your keys, I'll drive us there, okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Veronica reaches into her pocket, pulling them between two fingers and dropping them into the cheerleader’s hands.

 

“I need to grab my bag, we’ll walk through the school to the student lot, okay?” She asks softly

 

“Yeah.” The new leader of the school nods as the cheerleader makes the remaining crowd part for them, “Hell of a day, huh?”

 

“Yeah, hell of a day.” Heather echoes, she turns and smiles at the blue girl, “I'm so happy you're okay though.”

 

“I'm sorry for scaring you, Mac.”

 

“Just, please, don't do it again.” She begs, turning to look at the taller girl.

 

“Yeah, I promise.” She responds, giving the other girl a loose hug, _everything will be okay now... eventually_  she corrects asHeather runs her hand down Veronica's arm to her hand, squeezing it before twisting around a bit, not letting go of the Blue girl's hand as they go through the locker room nor when they finally leave the school through the rather crowded parking lot, and to the car.


	3. Chapter 3

****

“You okay, Heather?” Veronica asks putting her hand on the yellow girl's wrist, hoping to draw the other girl's attention back to her. The movie had ended over an hour ago and Martha had left pretty soon after, promising to call Veronica the next day, before leaving the blue girl with the head cheerleader, which had been fine until the blonde had gotten a phone call, and though Veronica didn't know who called, she does know it left the shorter girl shaken.

Heather turns to her, masking any emotions her face had held previous, “I’m fine, it's fine.” She nods as if to confirm that it was in fact fine.

“You want me to give you a ride home, or do you want to spend the night, or?”

“Won't your parents be annoyed by you having me over with no heads up twice in three days?”

“Nah, it’s totally up to you.”  _ They’d love having you here, probably figure I probably won't slit my throat if I have someone here.  _ Veronica can't help but be a little annoyed that her parents would listen to JD over her but she couldn't say she hadn't given them reason to believe she’s depressed again.

“If you're sure then yeah, my mom is in town and wants to see me.” Veronica sees Heathers jaw lock at the explanation.

“Not good?” She asks softly grabbing Heather’s hand.

“Please, Ronnie, not now.” She mutters pulling into herself.

“Okay.” Veronica nods standing, letting out a small whimper as she puts weight on her right foot, thankfully it was a second degree sprain and she now has an aircast on her leg and a cast on her right hand for her wrist and three of her fingers.

“You okay?” Heather asks standing 

“Yeah. Yeah, just stepped wrong.” Veronica nods, “Come on, let's head up to my room.

“Yeah.” Heather nods following Veronica up the stairs

“Holy shit, Ronnie! What happened to your room?” Heather asks as Veronica opens the door to her room only to see a huge mess. 

Veronica’s desk was on it’s side almost halfway across the room all it’s contents flung across the floor, the three picture frames she had on the walls smashed. Her bed is half off the frame and there were several holes in the wall and closet door. Taking in the damage and sighing, “JD, he,” she runs her left hand through her hair, “he broke in earlier today when I stopped by after the hospital, trying to convince me to…”

“Get back with him?”

“Among other things…” she lets out a sigh,  _ it was a nice go having friends,  _ she motions Heather into the room, shutting the behind them, “I broke up with him.” She pulls the bed back on the frame, Heather helps her. “cause he pointed a loaded gun at me, He was upset that I stopped you from… that I stopped you the other day.”

At the explanation the yellow girl pales, looking as though everything she ever feared was true, “Why?” She asks softly, Veronica takes a step closer to her.

“He thought people like you, like Heather, like Kurt and Ram, if you guys died, the world, the school would be more tolerant.” At the explanation Heather half falls, half sits on the bed. “Heather.” Veronica begins attempting to kneel in front of the blonde only for her boot to not allow her, so she sits next to her, “Heather, look at me, please.” She begs.

“Do you?” Heather asks in a shaky voice, “Do you think he had a point.”

“Heather, no!” Veronica doesn't intend to be so loud but she can't believe her friend thinks she'd believe that for a second.

“Veronica, I know you well enough to know that someone could have tried to kill you and you’d still try to help them. You-”

“Heather, look at me,” Watery blue eyes meet brown, Veronica grabs Heather’s hand and squeezes it tightly “JD… he was insane, and he was totally wrong, no one deserves to die.”  _ Except for monsters like me, or JD _ “Especially not you, Mac.” Heather looks at her as if trying to prove she’s lying, “Look, it's kinda a mess in here, and it was my psycho ex who did it, let me take you home, I'll call you and we can talk as I clean this up, until you go to sleep.”

“Ronnie, I'm not leaving just ‘cause your ex-boyfriend said something about me.”

“Mac, this wasn't just ‘something’. He said that it’d be a good thing for you to die in a school bathroom.”  _ And when I didn't agree with him he brings a fucking bomb to school and tries to kill everyone. _

“You're down one hand and one leg, can't kneel, and this place is kind of horribly destroyed, I'm helping. We can do it in half an hour or so.” She stands looking around, “where do you want to start?” 

Standing and sighing, realizing she wouldn't be able to talk Heather into leaving “The glass, that way there's less of a chance of us getting cut up.” Standing up, “Here, I have some trash bags and stuff in my closet, I'll grab it.” She opens the closet, in the center hangs the bed sheet noose, Veronica quickly attempts to pull it down, only to remember it's noted at the top too, after a few seconds of attempting to unknot it with just her left hand, she gives up, grabbing the box of cleaning supplies and hardware tools before rushing out of her closet, silently hoping Heather hadn't seen the noose. As she closes the door she is nearly bowled over by the blonde pulling her into a hug, “Mac?”

“He wasn't lying when he said you hanged yourself, was he, Ronnie?”

“I'm sorry.” She mumbles into the shorter girl’s hair in response, not able to explain much more without telling Heather too much.

Looking up she sees a familiar figure in a trenchcoat, “I worship you, my dear. A little thing like death isn't going to keep us apart.” The ghost tells her before Heather appears. She drops the box.

“Really, Veronica? You had to leave us with James Dean over here? At least you're tolerable.” The dead girl complains.

Suddenly Veronica feels like she can't breathe,  _ lying, I'm lying, Ich Luge, she should've known, it's her fault, it's all her fault.  _ “Ronnie?” Heather asks softly as she stumbles back, running into the wall too soon, she was too close to Heather, she was damaged and it spread like black tar, she wants to die,  _ why did he take the bomb from her _ . Her knees give way, she sinks to the floor, Heather's still speaking, maybe, everything is too fast, it's too fast to think. She feels Heather move her hand around her back, the other on her shoulder, almost the same position she held her after the explosion, “Ronnie? Veronica, it's me, Heather. It's okay, I'm here, you're okay.”

Flashes of Heather and Ram and Kurt and JD snap through her mind.

Blue.

Red.

White.

Anger.

Shock.

Acceptance.

Heather shouldn't be helping her. Heather tried to kill herself because her friends were dead. Her friend's were dead because of Veronica. Heather tried to kill herself because of Veronica. Veronica should be apologizing, should be going to the fucking police and admitting what she did. She should've died today, she didn't deserve to be living here, nor being comforted by Heather. “I'm sorry.” She says, it's too soft, “I'm sorry.” She tries again, “Sorry, sorry, sorry, I-I, sorry.” She whispers like a prayer,  _ needing  _ Heather to get it.

“Look at me, Ronnie. It's okay, everything’s okay. You're alright, it's alright. Just keep looking at me, Kay? Just keep looking at me and take a few deep breaths for me, okay? Can you do that for me, Ronnie?”

She nods attempting to force herself to breathe, though she feels as though there’s no air around her. “Good.” She hears Mac say and sees her smile, so she must have actually managed to breathe. “Good.” She repeats, pulling Veronica into a hug, running her hand through the brunette’s hair, rubbing her back, humming softly in her ear as Veronica cries into her chest, “I got you, it's okay, Ronnie.” Slowly Veronica is able to calm herself enough to pull back a bit, “Are you okay, Veronica?” 

She nods, not trusting herself to speak. Looking anywhere but the blonde,  _ I can't believe I lost it like that in front of Heather, in front of anyone _

“Ronnie, come on, we’ll clean up tomorrow, let's get some sleep.” Heather stands, offering Veronica a hand up which she hesitantly takes, allowing the other girl to lead her to the bed, “Where are your sleep clothes?” Heather can't help but sigh in relief that she doesn't point at the closet, instead her dresser, she opens the top drawer, grabbing her a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt, “Can I borrow something, Ronnie?”

“Yeah.” They both ignore the slight shake in her voice.

“Thank you.” She smiles grabbing a set for herself before walking back to the bed and handing a set to Veronica, who looks down at her outfit, suddenly realizing how many buttons she has on her. Heather seems to realize it at the same time, “Here.” Heather offers quickly unbuttoning her shirt.

Veronica swallows, hoping her blush isn't visible, “Thanks, Mac.”

“No problem, Ronnie. Tomorrow we’ll find some clothes you can put on with that cast.”

“Sounds like a plan.” The taller girl agrees.

“Let's get some sleep.” Heather offers turning off the light before they lie down.

Veronica stares at the ceiling  _ shit, I have a crush on Heather. _


	4. Chapter 4

 “Come on you two it'll be fun.” Heather says leaning over the table, trying to get Veronica and Martha to go with her to Mason Patrick’s party that night. It had been a week since the explosion and the school was starting to return back to normal, though perhaps a bit kinder. Back to normal except other than lunch, Veronica had been avoiding Heather McNamara, she needed to stop this crush in it’s tracks.

 

“Heather, my parents won't let me.” Martha responds with a frown

 

The cheerleader nods before looking towards Veronica with her big blue eyes, “Mac,” she lets out a small sigh, knowing letting Heather go by herself gives her a horrible taste in her mouth but that she needs to get over this crush on her she decides to lie, “I have a small mountain of homework.”

 

“Come on, please, Ronnie.” She tries

 

“Mac, I'm kinda exhausted, I haven't been sleeping much lately. I really can't go, can you get someone else? I'll go with you next time, okay? I promise.”

 

She sighs, but nods, “Yeah, I'll see if Jen can come. Call me if you change your mind.”

 

“I will.” Veronica nods, knowing she won’t, she can’t have feelings for Mac, she can’t lose another friend. She needs to forget this crush.

 

  * _••••••_



 

_Who the fuck is calling at 2:37 at night_ Veronica wonders as she wipes at her eyes, she had finally almost gotten to sleep at a reasonable time. She grabs at her phone, looking at the phone she quickly answers “Hello?”

 

“Ronnie?” She can tell Heather had been crying and drinking, suddenly she's completely okay about being awaken by the phone.

 

“Heather? What's wrong?” Veronica asks standing and getting dressed just in case she needed help.

 

“I’m at Mason Patrick’s party, and I think I- I think I need some help.”

 

“Okay, Mac, I'll be there as soon as I can. Do you want me to stay on the line with you?” She ignores the last time Heather called her for help.

 

“Yeah. Please, Ronnie, don't hang up.”

 

“Okay, I won't.” She agrees grabbing her car keys.

 

“Where’s Jennifer, Mac?” She asks, hoping to figure out why Mac needs her help.

 

“She left, I- I don't know when.”

 

“Okay,” Veronica nods, starting the car and bolting out of the driveway, “Where are you in the house?”

 

“I'm in…” she trails off

 

“Heather? I'm about halfway to his house, where are you?” She repeats

 

“Get off of me. No, Matt.” She hears Heather say the phone now away from her mouth.

 

“Heather! Everything okay?” She asks into the phone

 

“She's a little busy at the moment.” She hears a new voice say into the phone.

 

“No, please. Get off of me, you asshole.” The slightly slurred voice of Heather says in the background

 

“Leave Heather alone.”

 

She hears the jackass laugh before the line goes dead, she pushes the gas down more pushing her car ten miles over the limit, calling the number over and over again, not getting a response.

 

  * •••••••••••••••



 

"Go away, Mason." she pushes the jock away, he stumbles a bit but is right beside her in seconds, "Look, unless you can tell me where Heather is, leave me alone." she grunts, quickly getting worried for her friend, she had been at the party for ten minutes and she hadn't seen Heather anywhere, downstairs, and the few people who had seen her didn't know where the blonde was now.

 

"Oh, come on, Sawyer, Mcnamara is fine." the Jock slurs, having just told her he hadn't seen the cheerleader in almost an hour.

 

"No offence, Mason, until I see her with my own eyes, I don't really believe you." she responds scanning the kitchen before running up the stairs.

 

"Live a little Sawyer." Mason tries again following her up the stairs, pinning her between himself and the wall, kissing her roughly as she attempts to stop him.

 

"Mason, stop, please." she grunts as he pulls back.

 

"Don't be such a bitch. What are you, a dyke?" he says moving to her neck, his attempting to move his hand up her shirt

 

"Knock it off, Mason. Stop. You're drunk." she tries again, when  he doesn't she brings her knee up, her grunts pulling away, _bullseye_ she thinks stepping away from the basketball player.

 

"You bitch." he grunts as she walks down the hall.

 

As she passes by each door, she opens them, a vile feeling forming in the back of her throat, when she opens the fourth door down the hall she hears what sounds like struggling and sees a familiar yellow top on the floor. As she walks further into the room she sees one of the preps, Alex Powell she would later remember, standing by the bed, a video camera pointed at the bed. Looking at the bed her stomach to her feet, pinned to the bed by one of the football players, _It's Heather_ struggling under the bruising grip and letting off a string of "No."s and "Stop."s, Veronica vaguely registers another guy is on the other side of the bed, she doesn't recognize him, he had to be from another school as she sees red.

 

"Hurry up Matt, I want a turn." the guy with the camera mutters.

 

"I'm trying, she's moving too much." the jackass on top of Heather, Mathew something, slurs out, hitting the yellow girl, during her shock to pull at Heather's pants, getting them to her knees in one motion

 

"Stop. Please, no." she hears the other girl plead

 

"Stop!" Veronica echoes her friend and for a moment everyone in the room freezes.

 

"Ronnie." she hears Heather whimper softly as blue eyes meet brown for a split second.

 

The nickname moves her into action "Get the _Hell_ out." she orders the boys, who quickly leave, she stops the prep with the camera and grabs the device from his hand, he opens his mouth as if to argue, though decides better as he leaves without saying anything, "Hey, Mathew." she calls before the last boy leaves, he turns, and she pulls her arm back and punches him square in the nose, blood begins spurting out before she even has her hand back to her side, "If I ever see you or your friends putting a fucking toe out of line again, I will  end you. Do you understand." she says in a cold voice.

 

"Yes, Sawyer, I understand." he mumbles through the blood and alcohol, before leaving the room, "Fucking bitch." she hears him mumble as she shuts the door softly.

 

Taking a deep breath before shoving her rage at the boys away as she slowly crosses the room, grabbing the yellow shirt, only to discover it was basically scraps now, "Mac," she begins softly looking towards her friend who is now sitting up, her back against the headboard, her pants pulled back up.

 

Veronica slowly takes off her coat and hands it to Heather, who puts it on, it doesn't cover enough, but it was better than nothing, "Ronnie." she whimpers shakily again, this time crossing the bed to hug the taller girl, "Thank you, I'm sorry. Thank you." she cries into Veronica's sapphire blue top.

 

"Heather, it's not your fault. I'm sorry I wasn't here quicker. I should've come with you. I'm so sorry, Mac." she mumbles, dropping her head onto the blonde's hair as Heather cries.

 

After several minutes, Heather calms a bit, she seems a bit more sober too, she's still crying, but they're not the sole wracking sobs that had been escaping the other girl at first, "Can we just go, Ronnie, please?" she asks softly, pulling the other girl’s coat tighter on her shoulder's. Looking down, Veronica realizes she still has the camera, the thought of what’s on there makes her feel sick. Though she puts the camera in her pocket, Heather could decide what they’d do with it.

 

"Yeah, Yeah, Mac." she nods helping the other girl stand slowly, keeping her arm around the shorter girl's shoulders as Heather acts very Un-Heather like and curls into Veronica's side. They make their way back through the house through the kitchen and living room, if anyone so much as looked at the two girls too long, Veronica sent them a deadly glare, the boys who had been in the room looked to have fled not long after they were sent out by Veronica. When they get to Veronica's car, the Azure girl helps Heather into her car before quickly jumping into the driver's seat, “Your place or mine?”

 

“I don't know.” She shakes her head, “please, Ronnie, don’t- don’t leave me alone.” She begs softly.

 

“I won't, I won't.” She attempts to calm Heather even a little bit, “Is mine okay? My parents are out of town for two weeks.”

 

Heather nods at that, “Please.”

 

“Do you need anything at your place?”

 

“No, please, let's just go. Please, Ronnie.”

 

“Okay.” Veronica nods softly pulling away from the party, going 5 miles over the limit the entire way to her house.

 

  * ••••••••



 

When they walk through the door, Veronica looks Heather over quickly, her right eye was quickly blackening, her neck, wrists and ankles all have deep purple bruises forming, “Mac, do you want to call the police?”

 

“Nothing happened, you stopped it.” Heather seems to freeze, “If you had been a few minutes later.” She mumbles.

 

Veronica feels sick at the very idea that she could've been too late, that Mason could've made her too late and Heather would've paid for it. “What they attempted to do, even if they didn't succeed is enough to take them to jail.”

 

“Ronnie, please, I just… I just want to forget, please.” She begs

 

“Yeah, okay.” She nods before pulling Heather into a tight hug, careful to avoid any bruises, “I won't let anyone hurt you again. Not as long as I'm alive.” She mumbles her promise into her friend's blonde hair.

 

If Veronica had been asked how long they stayed like that, standing by the door, even seconds after letting Heather go, she wouldn't have been able to tell them, but the moment she does let her go, she notices Heather’s state of undress, the jacket was a couple sizes too big for her has fallen from her shoulders, “Come on, Mac, let’s get some other clothes on you. Then we can turn on a movie up in my room.”

 

Mac nods following Veronica up the stairs, when they get to her bedroom, Veronica goes to her closet, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, giving them to Heather, “I know these are not your typical style, but they're comfy.” She explains softly as Heather slowly pulls the sweatshirt on, “Do you want to shower, or anything to eat?”

 

“Ronnie.” She interrupts, “I just want to sleep, and forget.” She finishes, pulling the sweat pants on.

 

“Okay, let me get a couple blankets, I'll take the ground, you can have the bed.” It's the beginning of the same offer she makes every time Mac comes over, this time she swears the shorter girl will take her up on it.

 

“Ronnie, it’s a queen size bed, you don't have to take the floor.” Heather says softly, a small smile playing on her lips for the first time that night, this was usual, she could do this.

 

“You're sure?”

 

“Yeah.” Heather nods

 

“Let me go change. Then I'll be back.” She grabs some clothes and leaves the room, returning in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, turning off the light, then lying down next to the other girl.

 

After several seconds of Veronica not touching her at all, Heather speaks softly, “Veronica, do you hate me?” She attempts to force the tears out of her eyes and voice as she asks into the dark void.

 

“Heather?” Quickly the lamp by the bed it turned on, Veronica’s worried face and Heather’s fearful face are suddenly illuminated, “What… Why, Why would I hate you, Heather?” Veronica asks softly leaning on her arm to look at Heather.

 

“I called you to the party to help me. I know you’ve been avoiding me the past few days and I still called you. I almost let those boys…” she trails off seeing the look on Veronica’s face. “I'm sorry, Ronnie, I just didn’t know who else to call.”

 

“Mac, What those jackasses tried to do is _not_ your fault. And I'm glad you called me, I _want_ you to call me or someone when you're in trouble.” Veronica puts her hand on top of Heather’s, “I don't hate you Mac, I could never hate you, especially not for something that's not your fault.” Using her free hand to wipe the stream of tears off her cheeks, “And you didn’t do anything that made me avoid you.” _That’s all on me._

 

“Thank you, Ronnie.” Heather mumbles slowly lying down, after a few seconds of looking the blonde over worriedly for a few seconds before she turns the light off and lies back down, not letting go of the other girl's hand. After a couple minutes of silence, Veronica feels Heather shift and move closer to her then rests her head on Veronica’s shoulder and chest, “Please, don't leave.” She whispers curling tighter to the other girl

 

“I won't.” Veronica responds wrapping her arm around the blonde, kissing her on her forehead, “I won’t.” She repeats before closing her eyes hoping for sleep to overtake her.

 

  * ••••••••



 

It's still dark when Veronica is woken by Heather. Turning the lamp on, Heather seems to be fighting an invisible attacker with her eyes screwed shut, tears streaming out of the corner of her eyes, she hears her let out a whimper then, “No, please. Please. Ronnie. No.”

 

“Mac. Heather, come on. It's just a nightmare.” Veronica attempts to wake up the blonde, shaking her shoulder, “It's okay. I'm here. It's not real.”

 

The blonde wakes “Ronnie… I thought, I thought,” she attempts to explain between attempting to calm her breathing and wipe the tears off her cheeks

 

“Mac, it was just a dream, it's okay. You're okay.” Veronica mumbles pulling the other girl into a hug.

 

“Ronnie, please,” Heather begins pulling back from the hug, “Help me forget.” She then leans in and kisses her.

 

Pulling back, “Mac?” Veronica asks softly.

 

“I like you, a lot, Ronnie. Please.” She mumbles kissing the taller girl again, this time, Veronica can't help but compare the kiss to JD’s and the fantasies of this happening she’s had, it’s softer than Jd’s but Harsher than she thought it’d be kissing the cheerleader. Mac more hesitant than he ever was, and she tastes of whiskey, realizing quickly that the smaller is likely still drunk, or as drunk as she and the other Heathers ever seemed to get, she pushes the blonde away, _if I let this continue I'm as bad as those jackasses from the party._

 

“Heather, you're still drunk.” The blue girl offers as explanation leaning a bit away from the other girl.

 

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't've. Shit, Veronica.” Heather seems to stumble verbally.

 

  _has anyone ever said no to sex with or kissing her, has_ she _been allowed to say no?_ Veronica thinks vaguely as she puts her hand on Heather's, "Heather. Heather, it's fine. Mac, It's okay."

 

The words don't seem to calm the other girl down at all as Heather seems to curl further into herself  “Damn it I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Fuck, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, it's- I'm disgusting.”

 

That last sentence gives the sapphire girl pause, “What?!” She holds back the yell only just enough to not wake the neighbors, “How the fuck are you disgusting, Mac?”

 

“I shouldn't have kissed you.” She says softly, running her hand through her hair.

 

“Mac?” A pit forms in Veronica’s stomach, “Why?”

 

“I shouldn't like you, Ronnie. I'm not supposed to be a dyke. I'm not supposed to be a freak.” She whimpers softly, “I'm a fucking whore.” She states like it's a fact.

 

“Mac, no.” Veronica brushes her hand over the blonde’s jaw, “It doesn't matter if you like guys or girls or both or neither, and that's not why I'm saying no. And you're not a whore. Who gave you those ideas, Mac?”

 

“Those, boys tonight.” She admits softly, looking anywhere but Veronica.

 

“They called you a whore, as they tried to rape you?” Veronica growls, _what's three more murders on my soul after everything else_. Shaking her head she realized Heather was shaking and crying, “Mac,” she sighs softly pulling the shorter girl into a hug, “Those fucking jackasses are fucking liars. They aren't right. And they had no right to call you that.” She runs her fingers through the blonde’s hair softly, everything that has happened that night between the two girls seems to have been soft.

 

“They weren't the only ones.”

 

“Mac, I don't care if the fucking Pope himself called you a whore, they're wrong. And more importantly, it's not their fucking business.” She tightens the hug a bit as if she’ll get the other girl to understand by holding her tighter. “Who said you couldn't like girls, that that makes you a freak?”

 

“My mother.” She breathes like it was a confession to a crime, her whole body shaking even more, Veronica is wracking her brain over anything Heather had mentioned about her mother, it wasn't much and the little she did know didn't paint a pretty picture. Her parents divorced when she was 4, her mom was in and out of the picture, neither option was particularly good, when she did visit she was often critical of Heather and, other than last weekend, she hasn't visited since the summer between middle and high school.

 

“Hey, it's okay. I got you.” She holds the blond tight, unsure what else to do for the yellow girl, but needing desperately to help the other girl, “I got you.” She repeats. After several minutes Heather’s sobs slowly turn to whimpers, slowly, Veronica pulls back a bit, brown eyes meet blue, “Your mom is wrong, it doesn't matter who you date. You aren't a freak.”

 

“But-”

 

“Mac, am I a freak?” Veronica asks quietly.

 

“What? No.” She sounds almost offended at the very thought.

 

“Heather, I like both guys and girls.” Veronica says before repeating “Am I a freak?”

 

“No.” She shakes her head firmly, “No, you're not, Ronnie.” Veronica almost lets out her own sob of relief at the response, she couldn’t lose Heather.

 

“Neither are you, Mac. Please believe me.” Veronica puts her hands on either side of Heather’s face, wiping the tear tracks off as much as possible. Hesitantly Heather nods, "Good." she pulls Heather into another hug, "Good." she repeats before pulling back, “Look it's almost 5, let's try and get some sleep, sound good?”

 

“Yeah.” Heather nods again as Veronica turns off the light, “Hey, Ronnie?” She asks into the dark room.

 

“Yeah, Heather?”

 

“Thank you.” She whispers

 

“No problem, Heather.” Veronica sighs before, “Mac?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Please, don't tell my parents what I just told you, at least until after graduation.” She asks, sounding scared for the first time that night.

 

Heather grabs her hand and squeezes, “I won't, Ronnie.” She swears curling back beside the other girl. Veronica sighs contently, putting her arm over Mac’s shoulders, Veronica knows she likely won't get any more sleep tonight, it's fine she decides, insomnia will keep her awake and she'll protect Mac from the nightmares. _So much for getting over that crush._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters should be more fluffy. Please let me know your thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

“You have a crush.” Martha announces sitting across from Veronica during lunch on Monday morning.

 

Veronica sends her friend feigned confused look, “Oh?” She puts her fork down and gives Martha her full attention. _There's no way she knows._

 

“On Heather.” _She knows_

 

“Don't tell Mac.” Veronica begs her long time friend, “How do you know?” _Do others? Does Mac?_

 

“Ronica, please, I've known you since Pre-K, I know when you have a crush and you are crushing hard on Heather McNamara.”

 

“No, I'm n-” Veronica begins, stopping the lie when she sees the girl in question coming to their table. “Hey Mac.”

  

“Hey, Heather.” Martha smiles at the girl.

 

“Hey.” She smiles at both of them as she sits by Veronica. “Ronnie, did you hear what happened to Matthew Jackson and Alex Powell?” She asks attempting to sound nonchalant but something Veronica can't quite decipher is hidden in her tone, not quite fear or suspicion or anger but something of a combination with a few more hidden deeper.

 

“Whatever it was, it wasn't enough.” Veronica feigns innocence, putting her hand on Heather’s leg with a gentle squeeze in support. _but it was something, depending what school does, I may have to do more._

 

“Someone called a tip in on them, the police searched both their lockers, they both had a gun and a knife, Matthew had a bottle of alcohol and some steroids and cocaine, plus marijuana in his gym locker, and Alex had so much meth and morphine they think he was selling it to other students, they're both expelled, and being brought up on drug charges.” Heather explains.

 

“Funny how that happens.” Veronica smiles softly.

 

“Yeah. Funny.” Heather agrees, a small frown plays on her face, "What did you do?" she whispers almost silently to the newly proclaimed head of the school.

 

“I'm not sorry.” Veronica whispers back, picking up her fork and looking anywhere but Martha’s knowing look. “Anyway, how was your night, Martha?”

 

“Good, my teachers didn't give me much homework, so I was able to just read for a bit, You, Heather?”

 

“We aren't even a full quarter into senior year and I'm already screwed seven ways to Sunday in half of them.”

 

“Which ones?” Veronica asks

 

“Spanish, English, Bio and History.” She lists of looking more embarrassed as each class is listed off.

 

“‘Ronica could help you.” Martha offers a plotting smirk on her face, _you're joking right?_

 

She looks to Mac who is now looking at her, “Yeah, I could if you want, I'm pretty good in most classes.”

 

“Pretty good? You're in AP everything, Veronica, you're better than pretty good.”  

 

Veronica rolls her eyes at Martha, before looking to Heather, “If you want help or tutoring or whatever, I'm your girl.”

 

“I can pay you.” Heather offers

 

“No need.” Veronica shakes her head, “When and where work for you, Mac?”

 

“After school, whenever, we’ve been having 7 am practices for cheer lately.”

 

“Today okay?” Veronica grabs her fork, “We can go to mine, then I can give you a ride home?” She takes a bite of what the school claims is food.

 

“Yeah. yeah, that sounds good.” Just then the bell rings signaling the end of

 

Veronica looks at Martha for a few seconds, _she looks far too smug._

 

Before Veronica can say anything to wipe the look off Martha’s face, the bell rings, they leave the lunchroom, Heather suddenly grabs Veronica’s arm, “Can I talk to you, Ronnie?” The blonde asks pulling Veronica away before she could agree, finding the nearest bathroom that thankfully looks empty.

 

“Heather?” Veronica asks softly, “Everything okay?”

 

“What did you do?” She paces away for just a minute, “What- why would you do something like that? What were you thinking? If you got caught, Ronnie-”

 

“After what they did, what they tried to do, they fucking deserved it. And I would have taken whatever punishment they had for me gladly.” Veronica takes a few steps toward Heather, cupping the blonde’s jaw, “For you, I would have gladly.”

 

“Ronnie,” Heather sighs, turning away from the taller girl, “I'm not worth that kind of trouble. You shouldn't have done that.”

 

Veronica drops her bag on the ground and slowly grabs Heather’s bag and places it on the floor too before pulling the yellow girl into a quick hug, pulling back and holding Heather’s hand and looking her dead in the eyes, “You are Mac. I swear you are.” She brushes Heather’s bangs out of her eyes, softly cupping her jaw again. Looking over the cheerleader’s face _She doesn't believe me,_ “You don't believe me.” Veronica sighs, Heather nods hesitantly, Veronica closes her eyes, _time for a leap of faith,_ “Can I try and prove it to you, Mac?”

 

“What do you mean, Ronnie?” She asks with a frown.

 

“Heather, would you be so generous as to allow me to take you on a date?”

 

Heather stumbles back, almost as if Veronica had slapped her, “That's a very cruel joke, Veronica.” She lets out what sounds like a sob, “I know.” She runs her hand through her hair, “I know, I shouldn't have kissed you. I fucked up, I'm sorry. Please stop messing around with me about it.”

 

“Heather, come on. Mac, you know me, would I joke like this? Would I hold a grudge over something you did while mostly drunk.”

 

“No, no way.” Heather shakes her head quickly, “but there's also no way you're asking me on a date, Ronnie.”

 

“But I am.” Veronica responds taking a few steps closer to her, “Will you go on a date with me, Heather McNamara?”

 

“Yes,” Heather smiles hesitantly, seeing no deception in Veronica’s brown eyes, “I would love to go on a date with you, Ronnie.”

 

“Great,” Veronica smiles, opening her mouth to continue only to be interrupted by the late bell ringing Heather steps towards Veronica, “Here, let me make a pass.” Veronica offers, grabbing some paper and writing them both passes.

 

She hands one to Heather, who gives her a hug and kisses her cheek, “I'll call you tonight and we can plan something, Kay?”

 

“Yeah, definitely.” Veronica smiles attempting to hide the blush that’s slowly spreading up her cheeks as Heather leaves with a small laugh.

 

Just before Veronica follows the cheerleader out of the room she hears one of the stalls open, a worried feeling settles into her stomach as she turns to face, _Heather fucking Duke, of course, who else would it be?_ The green girl leans against the stall door,  a frown playing on her lips, “What happened to Heather, Sawyer?” she demands.

 

Veronica thanks whatever god there is that she didn’t ask about the rest of the conversation, but still frowns, “What are you talking about, Duke?”

 

The shorter girl sighs, rolling her eyes, “Come on, Veronica. Heather was my friend since middle school. You may not believe it, but I care about her.” she crosses her arm over her body, running her hand over her upper arm.

 

Veronica bites her lip, stopping herself from saying her thoughts on how she shows her care, “There was an incident at the party last Friday, she called me and I got her out of there. I honestly can’t tell you more, if you want to know more, you can try asking Heather.”

 

“Okay, stop me when I get something wrong, sound good, Sawyer?” She doesn’t wait for an answer before she starts talking, “Something happened to Heather at Mason’s party. That something involved Matthew Jackson and Alex Powell and was bad enough for her to call you for help. You stopped it from going any further. Whatever they did to golden retriever in human form, Heather McNamara, was bad enough not only to have her shaken but also get almost all around good girl, and guaranteed valedictorian, Veronica Sawyer, to screw them over for at least the next half decade probably, and potentially fuck her own future if she got caught pulling this revenge.” Duke lists off, Veronica remains silent, she didn’t say anything wrong, though when she lists it like that, Veronica sounds a lot like JD, Duke doesn’t seem to be able to see Veronica’s struggle as she takes a couple steps closer to the blue girl, “I don't need to ask Heather to get a pretty good idea what happened, or almost happened.” She sends Veronica a small smile, “Good going, Sawyer. But Heather was right, you're too kind to be popular, let alone running things like you are, you already feel it eating you alive, you feel guilty for what you did to those kids.”

 

Veronica sends her a small glare, “Like I said, if they happen to find out what I did, whatever punishment they want to give me, I'm fine with it.” She turns away with a small huff

 

“You really do like her, don't you?” Duke calls just as Veronica’s hand rest on the door, “I wasn't sure if you were faking it, just then, but you really do.”

 

“What do you want, Duke?” Veronica sighs, turning back to face the green girl, “Tell everyone? Go ahead, tell everyone that Veronica Sawyer is a fucking dyke, but leave Heather out of it.” she growls, not impressed what the green girl is implying, _They’ll kill me if they find out, or kick me out, Please don’t say anything._ She falls against the wall right by the door, bringing her knees up to her chest, breathing suddenly becomes hard. _Please, no. Don’t say anything._

 

Heather kneels to look Veronica in the eyes, seeing genuine fear clouded in them, “Hey, come on, Veronica, I'm not that much of a bitch, I'm not going to tell anyone.” Seeing that she's still panicking Heather frowns, “Sawyer, are you okay?” Veronica nods her head, though not very convincingly, “Do you want me to get McNamara or Dunnstock?”

 

“I don't know.” Veronica stumbles through the words _shit I can't have a fucking panic attack in the school bathroom in front of Heather Duke_

 

“Okay,” Heather nods but then she does something that’s unexpected, she stands and locks the bathroom door, “What do you need me to do, ‘Ronica?” She asks softly _who knew Duke had a soft side._

 

“Talk.” Veronica bursts out.

 

“Talk?” Heather pauses, “about what?”

 

“Anything. Anything, pick something.”

 

“Are you going to the football game this weekend?” She picks the first thing that comes to mind.

 

“Yeah.” Veronica nods, “I told Mac I'd come to see her, don't really care about the game, to be honest.”

 

“Yeah, I can relate, I have to go to get shots for the yearbook, maybe I could sit by you? Get the student’s point of view.”

 

“Why?” Veronica asks softly, her breathing still ragged.

 

“I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you and Heather and dump- Dunnstock.” Veronica gives her a confused look, Heather sighs, “Look, let’s get you through this, then I'll explain, okay?”

 

“Yeah.” She nods.

 

“Did you hear Fleming went off on the Sophomores?”

 

Veronica shakes her head, feeling the panic still rising.

 

“They were making bets on if and how many more suicides our class will have this year, she lost it on them, their entire class now has a3,000 word essay due in one week or they get detention.”

 

“Stupid bet, there won't be anymore.” _I made sure of that._

 

“Yeah, I hope so too.” Heather responds placing a hand on Veronica’s knee. “Read any good books lately?”

 

“Not- not really, haven't had much time to sit down, I was going to go get a few new- new books tomorrow to force myself to read them, you?”

 

“I was reading Where the Red Fern Grows couple weeks ago, but after everything, I stopped, needed something with a happy ending, ya know?” She shrugs.

 

“Yeah.” Veronica nods before forcing herself to take a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. She looks towards Duke, only to see Heather, Kurt, Ram, and JD leaning over the living girl’s shoulders.

 

Letting out a small yelp, Veronica pulls away from the ghosts, apologizes spilling from her lips, Heather’s frown deepens, “Hey, ‘Ronica, it’s okay.” She tries in vain to call her back to reality. All Veronica sees is the blood, covering JD, leaking from Ram and Kurt, leaking out of Duke’s mouth, _No. I stopped him from doing that._ She's _alive._ She thinks she hears Duke say something but her heart is pounding too loud for her to hear or respond.

 

“Heather, I need you to please come to the second floor bathroom… I know you just left here… Heather, please, it's Veronica…Yes, please…knock on the door when you get here.” Heather says into her phone, unsure how else to help the blue girl, she kneels back down to her level, “Veronica, McNamara is going to be here in a few minutes, she's coming to help you, okay?”

 

“No. No, please, I'm fine. No, don't.” Veronica stutters out, _please, I need to stop._

 

“Hey, it'll be fine, she's coming to help, she's worried about you.” Duke tries to calm her, careful not to touch her again. After a few painfully slow minutes there's a knock at the door, “That’s her, I'm going to open the door real quick, okay?” Veronica nods hesitantly before Duke stands, unlocking the door and letting in Heather, before locking it again.

 

“What the fuck did you do, Duke?” The cheerleader asks, kneeling in front of Veronica, gently placing a hand on Veronica’s knee, a worried frown over taking her face.

 

“I didn’t _mean_ to do anything Heather, she found out I was in here during you guys’ conversation earlier.”

 

Heather pales, looking like a ghost, “Heather, please-” the blonde begins

 

“Heather, come on, you know I won't go blabbing something like that.” Duke looks down, anywhere but the other two girls, “Look, I was trying to apologize for being such a bitch lately.”

 

Seeing that Duke didn't mean to do this, Heather turns her attention away from her and onto Veronica, “Later, please, Heather.” She gently places a hand on Veronica’s leg, “Ronnie, it's okay, I'm here, everything's fine.” She murmurs, running her hand through the brunette’s hair, “Can you follow my breathing?”

 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.” She hears the other girl’s litany under her breath.

 

“Ronnie, it's okay, everything's fine. Can you please try to take a deep breath for me?” She runs her hand along Veronica's jaw, feeling her nod more then she sees it, her breath heaving in her chest so bad that each one seems to rack her entire body. Veronica tries a few times to take a breath before she can get one that actually seems to get through her throat, the ghosts of Kurt and Ram seem to fade away, Chandler and JD are still there, but they always seem to be there anymore. Her next breath is a bit slower, Heather smiles, “Good. That's good, Ronnie.” She brushes Veronica's bangs away from her eyes, “Everything's okay, can you please take another one?” This one takes less time and attempts before she forces one out, “Good Ronnie.” She mumbles, as Veronica leans forward into her shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks and onto Heather’s yellow shirt, “It'll be okay. I'm not leaving. You'll be fine.” She mumbles hoping something, anything she says will help the other girl. She turns to Duke, “Can you please grab her water bottle from her bag?”

 

“Yeah,” Duke nods, opening the blue girl’s bag, quickly grabbing the bottle and handing it to the cheerleader, a deep frown on her mouth.

 

“Thank you.” She leans away just a bit from Veronica, just enough that she knows that the other girl can hear her, “One more breath, Veronica. R.” The yellow girl asks, opening the bottle as she does so. This time, the breath is almost instantaneous. She looks over her friend, the red scrunchie in her hair is only holding about half the brunette strands anymore, tears are clear down her face coming from the red rimmed brown eyes, thankfully, not seeming to be clouded by the same fear that they had been. Her breaths are still fast, but thankfully and they're steady, “Ronnie, think you can take a small drink?” _please_ Heather asks offering the water bottle to Veronica, who nods, bringing her hand up through her hair, pulling the hair scrunchie out before dropping her arm like it's dead cause weight, grabbing the bottle in her shaking grip, she taking a small sip. Setting the bottle on the ground beforehand wiping the tears away with her wrist, “You back with us, Ronnie?” Heather asks, her hands resting on Veronica's knee and arm.

 

“Kind of.” Veronica manages to force out, though nods more firmly than her words spoke, falling back to lean against the wall, placing the water bottle between herself and Heather, who slowly picks it up.

 

“Okay.” Heather nods, running her hand through Veronica’s hair again, “We’ll stay here until you're ready to go, okay?” She offers softly, getting a small nod in response before she turns to Heather, “You can go to class or whatever.” She turns her attention back to Veronica.

 

Duke shakes her head, “I'll stay, I'll help.” _Truce?_

 

“Okay,” Heather nods, “Ronnie, what do you need me to do?” She whispers _needing_ to help the other girl.

 

“Just- just stay, please.” Veronica mutters, “Talk about something, anything.”

 

“Okay,” That Heather can do, “You know, I don't think you're going to be getting that sweatshirt back.” She picks the first thing she can think of.

 

“Oh?” A small smile plays on Veronica’s lips.

 

“Yeah,” Heather nods, “You were right, it's comfy.” _And makes me feel protected_ she shrugs, “I was going to tell you at lunch, but…” she trails off

 

“Sounds good, Mac, it'll be an early birthday present.” _Not that I'll count it_ , Veronica nods, her calm mind coming back to her in bits and pieces, “Mac, Coach Adder is going to murder you if you miss anymore class, you should go, I'll be fine.”

 

“Oddly enough, Ronnie, I don't really care at the moment. I'm more concerned about you than what coach will think or do.” Heather responds handing the bottle back to the blue girl, “I said I was staying, so I'm staying. I'll deal with coach later.” Heather continues with a small smile.

 

Veronica feels the last vestiges of adrenaline leave her body, leaving it almost empty as she deflates “Mac, I'm really sorry.” She's not even sure why she's apologizing at this point, she can give herself a dozen reasons why Heather deserves one from her but she's unsure which it is this time.

 

“Hey, Ronnie, there's no need to apologize, for anything.” She runs her hand up and down Veronica’s arm. _There are plenty of reasons, but most I can't tell you._

 

“I- I don't think I'm going to class, Mac.” Veronica shakes her head, “I can't…”

 

“Okay,” Heather nods, “I'll go with you.”

 

“You can't miss more class, Mac.” Veronica reminds her.

 

“Like I said, I don't care.”

 

“Come on, Mac, you know I'm right.”

 

Heather sighs with a small nod, “I can't miss this period, or next but I can skip seventh, that's art workshop.”

 

“I'll go home, I'll be fine for a long hour, Mac.” Veronica offers slowly standing up.

 

“After… that, can you blame me for being worried?” Heather responds, pulling Veronica into a hug.

 

“I could go with her.” Duke offers, as the other two girls look at her she shifts from side to side, “Look, I'm really sorry for being such a bitch lately, I shouldn't have done any of that.” She mumbles, _I could really use friends like you have._

 

Veronica looks to McNamara _up to you, Mac._ Slowly the yellow girl steps towards the green girl who seems to have realized the head cheerleader is her judge in this, slowly Heather nods, “I forgive you, Duke.” She looks to Veronica, “If it's okay with Veronica, I think that would be a good idea.”

 

“Yeah?” Duke asks not fully believing that Heather would be willing to forgive her at all.

 

 “Yeah.” Veronica responds, “and if you want to, you can come with me.”

 

“Okay.” Duke nods bending down to grab her bag, then surprises all of them by grabbing and picking up Veronica’s bag as well.

 

“I'll call you during transition?” McNamara asks running her hand along the taller girl’s jaw softly.

 

“Yeah.” Veronica nods, then in an action she would not have taken if she was totally in her right mind, she leans forward and kisses Mac on the forehead quickly, “Sounds good, see you in a bit, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Heather nods before grabbing her bag and walking out of the room.

 

“Ready to go, ‘Ronica?” Duke asks walking up behind the blue girl

 

“Yeah,” she grabs her car keys out of her pocket and hands them to Duke, “Can you please drive? I- I really don't trust my thoughts at the moment.”

 

“Yeah, definitely.” Duke nods falling into step beside the blue girl as they walk out of the bathroom and to Veronica’s car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think?
> 
> If anyone has any ideas for filler chapters, please feel free to PM me or put it in a review, I have a skeleton outline and plenty of room to add stuff you wish to see.
> 
> Please favorite/follow/review
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Beckettlovescastlealways.


	6. Chapter 6

“Look, I apologized to Heather, but I need to apologize to you and Dunnstock and… everyone.” Duke sighs slightly as they approach Veronica’s house, thankfully Duke didn’t speed too much, Veronica wasn’t sure her head or heart could’ve taken Dukes usual driving style, even for the short trip to her house, “And that won’t even be a start, huh?”

 

“I mean you hurt a lot of people, Duke.” Veronica shrugs, “But if you want people to forgive you, I think you can get a lot of them to.”

 

“Can you?” Duke asks quietly as they pull in front of the house.

 

“If I don’t it won’t be because of you, to forgive someone else, you have to forgive yourself, and I’ve done some pretty unforgivable shit lately.” Veronica admits weakly.

 

“Hey, come on, nothing can be that unforgivable. Whatever it is, you’re beating yourself up pretty badly for it.”

 

Veronica lets out a bitter laugh, not willing to explain how unforgivable what she has done is, before shaking her head, “Ya know, Heather you keep up this being human thing you have going on, you'll have plenty of people forgiving you.” She forces a small smile.

 

“Really?”

 

“Really, and I think I'll be one of the first.” Veronica smiles, grabbing her bag from the back of the car, “Shall we head in? We can turn on a movie, your pick? Though if you could not pick a horror movie, that'd be great.”

 

Heather lets out a small laugh, “I think I can do that.” She follows Veronica into the house, taking her shoes off and dropping her bag by the door before hanging up her coat, suddenly looking over Veronica, she sees how exhausted the taller girl looks, “No offense, Veronica, but you look like crap.”

 

“Gee thanks, Heather.” Veronica responds walking into the kitchen, “Sorry, I haven't been sleeping well lately. Want anything?” She asks grabbing a glass for herself, ignoring her hands still shaking.

 

“I'm good.” Heather follows her into the room, “Will you drink tea?” She asks noticing the shaking as Veronica tries to drink some water.

 

“Sure?” Veronica nods, giving Heather a look.

 

“I'll make some, it supposedly helps with nerves.” Heather explains with a shrug, “Figured it's worth a shot.”

 

Hesitantly, Veronica nods, “What do you want to watch, anyway?”

 

“I'm fine with whatever.” She shrugs and turns the water on, waiting for it to boil, “So, what are you doing for your date?” She asks with a small smile.

 

“You do remember the part where I freaked out less than five minutes after she agreed? Duke, there's no way there's going to be a date.” She runs her hand through her hair.

 

“Yeah, sure, that's why she was still making the star eyes at you, believe me, you still have a date, and _you_ need a plan.”

 

“And do you have a suggestion for it, or are you just asking to make me realize I really shouldn't have asked her?”

 

“You and I both know you have an idea.”

 

“I have lots of ideas, nothing good enough for her.”

 

Heather rolls her eyes before sighing, “Don't take her to a party, obviously. I wouldn't go with the movies if you want a second date, same with most places for dinners unless it's somewhere you know she hasn't been.” She shrugs, “I'd assume you know a bunch of her likes and dislikes. She hates alcohol on the first solo date, you would probably be okay, but I wouldn't risk it. Honestly, the big thing is be unique. That help?”

 

“Yeah, unique, I can do that.” Veronica nods

 

“She's done plenty of first dates; I think you want a second one though, right?”

 

“Definitely.” Veronica nods again as the teapot starts whistling.

 

“Then unique is the way to go.” Heather grabs two mugs, “Where are your tea bags?” She asks, pouring the water.

 

“In the cupboard.” Veronica points to one above the stove, when Heather opens it she finds a small mountain of tea, “My brother went through a phase where there was a tea for everything.”

 

“I thought you were an only child?” Heather racks her brain trying to remember any detail about Veronica's brother, coming up blank.

 

“I am now.” Veronica mumbles looking anywhere but Heather, “My parents have kept buying teas though.”

 

“Oh…” Heather says unintelligently, unsure what else to say. But thankfully Veronica seems to want to leave it at that as she walks away to the living room, turning on the TV and putting whatever movie is already in and starting it, after several minutes, Heather follows her out handing her a cup before sitting in one of the chairs and staring at the TV, using the corner of her eyes to watch the other girl.

 

“You can stop watching me like I'm about to fall apart, please.” Veronica mutters into the silent room after several minutes of silence, looking at her tea cup, Heather jumps, turning toward the blue girl, “His name was Chris, Christopher, he was 18, he got drunk and it was icy and he wrapped his car around a telephone pole a week before my 13th birthday, he didn't make it to the hospital. It happened almost five years ago, I'm _not_ going to fall apart twice in one day.” She mutters, taking a small sip of the tea, "That enough for you?” She seems to snap into herself, any weakness being shoved behind an ersatz mask of calm.

 

“Yeah.” Heather nods though she can't help but wonder if she even wanted _that_ much. She turns to face the screen, Veronica had put on some romantic comedy, perfect after a day like today. She half notices Veronica put down the cup and spread out a bit more on the couch, grabbing her phone and putting it by her head. Heather turns the TV down a bit, “Headache.” She lies when Veronica sends her a look. Veronica looks about two minutes away from sleeping, and considering she's seen the blue girl fall asleep multiple times in Math and French in the past weeks, she’s pretty sure when Veronica says she hasn't been sleeping well she means not at all.

 

And sure enough when she looks back over at the taller girl, she seems to be asleep. Heather smiles turning her attention back to the TV, waiting for Heather to get there.

 

Eventually the door opens and Heather bolts to a standing position, eyes on the door, “Knock, Knock?” A voice says quietly as the door reveals Heather who slips off her shoes as Duke sits back down.

 

“Do you typically just walk in?” Duke asks a small bemused smile playing on her lips.

 

“Only when I know her parents aren't home and she's probably well…” she motions to the the sleeping girl on the couch.

 

“Hell of a host we have here.” Duke offers with a teasing grin.

 

“Yeah, she was out pretty fast a couple weeks ago after the one she had the day of the explosion, if only for a couple hours.”

 

“Wonderful start to senior year, huh?” Duke mutters, debating asking the other girl about the blue girl’s admission before shaking her head.

 

“Yeah.” McNamara agrees placing a feather light touch on Veronica's arm, causing her to jerk awake.

 

“What? ‘M sorry, I didn't mean to.” Veronica slurs hitting at Mac’s hand

 

“Ronnie, hey, it's just me.” McNamara soothed, pulling her hand away, putting it up in surrender, “I was just letting you know I'm here. You can go back to sleep.”

 

“Mac?” Veronica questions, looking at her phone, 2:18 and three missed calls from Heather, “Shit, I'm sorry, Mac, I was going to come pick you up.”

 

McNamara laughs softly, “It's a 15 minute walk, it's fine, Ronnie.” She runs her hand up and down Veronica's arm, “Everything's okay, just go back to sleep, I'm going to do homework, I'll be here when you wake up.”

 

“You sure?” Veronica asks.

 

Heather nods, “I'm sure.” She smiles gently.

 

“Okay.” Veronica nods before closing her eyes again, her breath quickly evens out.

 

McNamara lets out another laugh, this one quieter. She looks at Duke, who had watched the exchange silently, “Should I check to see if you drugged her, Heather?” She sits in the chair across from Duke.

 

“Just some tea,” _giving her a panic attack_ _and accidentally bringing up memories about her dead brother, “_ She said she hasn't been sleeping well lately,” Duke shrugs, “Maybe that's it.”

 

“Insomnia’s a bitch.” Heather agrees, pulling out one of her text books, trying vainly to figure out this damn homework for history.

 

~~~

 

“Do you want some help? Or would you prefer to keep glaring at the paper to see if will ignite?” Duke speaks up after McNamara hasn't turned a page in almost 45 minutes, switching between glaring at the work and watching Veronica with a soft smile.

 

“Nah, Ronnie said she'd help me, I was just hoping that I'd get some of this without help, but these questions are just a list of dates and people to me.” Heather shrugs, “She, for some God forsaken reason, believes I'm smart, or at least smart enough for homework.” She looks up from the paper, “You can go ahead and laugh, she's wonderful, but in this case, she's totally insane. I'm as smart as a sack of bricks.”

 

“Nah, you know, you can be brilliant, my math grade last year proves it. You just have no interest to paying attention in class, especially history this year.” She finishes with a small smirk.

 

“Oh? How do you figure?” She feigns innocence, the usual C in that class was now a solid D-, most of it thanks to the inordinate amount of time spent watching Veronica instead of attempting to listen to Ms. Simkins talk. She couldn't help it if the brunette was a thousand times more interesting than some long dead guys in powdered wigs. She looks back down at the book.

 

“I don't have to be in class with you to know you've been getting distracted watching Ms. Veronica Sawyer.”

 

McNamara looks up to Duke, eyes flashing towards the sleeping girl, before returning to the green girl with a small glare, neutered slightly by the blush over taking her face, “Shut up.”

 

“Am I wrong?” Duke smirks.

 

“You don't have to say it so loud.” The yellow girl mumbles, looking down at the book.

 

“Hey, I think it's kind of cute, it's been awhile since you've been head over heels for anyone, and you could do plenty worse than ‘Ronica.” Duke shrugs, “Plus it's not like she hasn't been doing the same thing to you since like 3 days into the school year.”

 

The blush deepens, as the blue girl on the couch seems to be waking, looking at the clock on the wall, 3:58, “It's almost four, do you have anywhere to be today?”

 

“Nah, I need my Jeep before curfew, but otherwise I'm good.” Duke shakes her head.

 

“Ronnie will probably give you a ride when you want to go.” Before Duke answers, Veronica props herself up, eyes half open, sleep still partly clouding her eyes, “Hey.” Heather greets with a small smile.

 

“Hey.” Veronica replies, attempting to blink the sleep away.

 

The smile on Heather's lips quickly disappears as her gaze falls on Veronica's bare arms.

 

She looks towards Duke, who thankfully stands, “I'll be right back.” She says before heading down the hall towards the bathroom.

 

Heather puts the textbook on the table before she moves over to the couch, grabbing Veronica’s hands firmly, even when the blue girl tries to pull away, “These are new, Ronnie.” She whispers, running her knuckles along the taller girl's forearm.

 

Several new cuts are scattered across Veronica's arms, many of them look less than a day old. Veronica looks down, anywhere but the sad blue eyes staring at her, “I'm sorry.” She murmurs.

 

“You said you'd call me. Instead of doing this you said you'd call me.” The accusation is said sadly, running the pad of her thumb along a few of the cuts, as if attempting to heal them. “Why didn't you, Ronnie?”

 

“I wasn't going to put more shit on your plate, Mac. It’s just sometimes, these thoughts? Memories? They make me feel cold and numb and this,” she motions to the cuts and burns, “stops it for awhile while I'm alone, when I'm with you, or Martha, or doing something that makes me think, I can push them away, but when I'm alone…” She shakes her head then finally looks up, “I'm sorry.”

 

“Veronica, you took a call from me at 2:30 in the morning and you helped me because you were worried, in spite of the fact last time I called you for help… it was for Ram and Kurt. I want to help you, in any way I can. Please, I lost Heather because I didn't do enough,” _More like because of my psychopathic dead ex and I killed her,_ “I can't lose you too.”

 

“Hey, come on, Mac, I wouldn't do that to you.” She puts her free hand on Heather's shoulder, “I swear, next time, I'll call you, before I do anything, okay?”

 

“Good.” The yellow girl nods, biting back the 'you already did!' that threatens to escape her lips, before smiling, “So, are you free Friday night, Ronnie?”

 

“Nope.” Heather frowns, “See, I seem to recall promising I'd be at the football game to cheer on one of the cheerleaders.” Heather smiles, having totally forgotten about the game, “Then Saturday I was hoping to take the most beautiful girl at Westerberg on a date.” She brushes Heather’s hair away from her face, “Do you suppose she'll say yes?”

 

“I think asking yourself on a date is kind of narcissistic, Ronnie.” She laughs a bit.

 

“Oh come on Mac, you know who I'm talking about.”

 

“Courtney?” Heather gasps, with a coy smirk, “Yeah, she probably will.”

 

“No, I mean you,” She kisses her cheek, “Silly.” She murmurs into her skin as Heather threads their fingers together just before Veronica pulls back.

 

“Where do you want to go?”

 

“Do you trust me, Mac?” The taller girl asks only to receive a quick nod, “Can I surprise you?” She runs her free hand through the other girl’s blonde hair.

 

“Sure.” Heather nods hoping to keep the worry out of her voice, surprises are almost never good when it comes to first dates, _it's_ Ronnie, _you'll be fine, she wouldn't try anything._ She attempts to calm herself.

 

Heather lifts the sapphire girl’s wrist to her lip, kissing it softly, “I wasn't kidding, please, Ronnie.” She whispers before there's a thump down the hall, she drops their hands back to the couch, but doesn't let go, “That’ll be Heather letting us know to get our clothes on.” She giggles.

 

Veronica nods, pulling a jacket that was on the back of the couch and slips it on, quickly grabbing Heather’s hand again, the message was clear, she did not want Duke to know about her cuts. Heather grabs her textbook and leans closer to Veronica who puts her arm over her shoulder, looking at the book too. “So, Simkins’ answers for these questions are mostly about the Founding Fathers, Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Hamilton, Madison, Franklin, Jay, along with a few other people from that era.” She begins just as Duke walks into the room with a knowing smirk.

 

“Did I miss anything?” Causing both of them to look up, “in the movie?”

 

“Oh, I don't know. You can rewind it.” Veronica shrugs, pointing to a couple paragraphs, “She spent nearly half the period talking about this, and most the rest of it talking about Saratoga, Bunker Hill and Yorktown, when I had her for world history she spent a lot of the time focusing on the who lead, and any other major players, the why it’s important and the when, or at least what order, she only really cared about actual dates and the tactics for extra credit unless the tactics or dates came into play later.”

 

“Remind me when the test is?” Heather asks writing one of the answers down.

 

“Next Monday.”

 

“Great.” Heather sighs running her hand through her hair.

 

“Hey, you'll do fine, I promise.” Veronica soothes.

 

Duke looks over towards the other two girls and smiles, even doing homework, Heather looks much calmer than Heather has seen her since they had started middle school at least, and Veronica has a small, content smile playing on her lips as she watches the blonde, the storm that had taken almost permanent residence in brown eyes has mostly disappeared as she unconsciously plays with Heather's blonde curls, pointing to bits and pieces of the textbook and breathes explanations into her ear. Duke turns away, grabbing the remote and rewinding the movie, honestly unsure what it's about anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

“What do you think?” Veronica asks Martha doing a small spin showing off the outfit.

“I think you have a better shot at this than I do, ‘Ronica, or Duke or whoever. I still wear pink unicorn sweaters, I really don't do fashion or make up.”

“Duke’s not my best friend, Martha.” Veronica replies looking in the mirror, a deep royal blue shirt and a pair of skinny jeans, she seems to think for a moment before slipping on a white sweatshirt then looks back to Martha, “Good?”

“You look fine, V, just like the last four outfits.” Martha smiles, “Little nervous?”

“Why would I be nervous, Martha, it's Mac, I can't screw up that bad, could I?”

“Well your last ex pointed a gun at you. So it may not be your fault.” She shrugs as Veronica sends her a small glare. Martha quickly decides to change topics slightly, “So if this continues when are you telling your parents?”

“At least after December 3rd, if possible after May 12th.” The dates are easy enough to remember, her 18th birthday and graduation, and Martha remembers what they both are as well.

“You don't think they'll take it well?” She asks as Veronica begins on makeup.

“You remember my aunt Kelly?” Veronica asks grabbing lipstick and putting it on.

“No?” Martha replies after wracking her brain.

“Exactly.” She responds starting on her eyes, not looking toward the other girl.

“But after Chris, you don't think they'd be more willing to…”

“I think,” Veronica begins, putting the makeup away and fixes her hair a bit, “after Chris, and the end of sophomore year, they won't stand for another disappointment from their children, child.” She quickly corrects, attempting to get a strand of hair to stay down before giving up and grabbing her perfume and quickly putting it on.

“So you're going to hide this?” Martha frowns, “V, I haven't seen you this happy in a long time, you shouldn't have to hide this.”

“Martha, do not say anything to them, I begging you, please.” Veronica turns to face her friend, a panicked look in her eyes.

“What? Veronica, of course I'm not going to say anything.” Martha quickly responds, “Hey, come on, why would I do something like that, ‘Ronica?”

“You're right, you're right. I'm sorry, I'm just being paranoid.”

“It's alright.” Martha nods, “Look, V, if they do find out, you can always come to me for help.”

“Thank you, Marcy.” The ancient nickname slips out without much thought, though the relief from hearing Martha truly supports her makes her almost want to cry in relief.

“No need to thank me. But you need to finish getting ready, Heather and Heather will be here any minute, you're sure it's a good idea for me and Heather to stay here?”

“Yeah, as long as you're okay with Heather?”

“Yeah, she apologized and is trying, we'll be okay.”

“Okay, well then we'll be back by 11, if my parents will call they will then, and as far as they know we're having a movie night.” Just then they hear a knock down stairs, “How do I look?”

“Great.” Martha smirks, “Now go.” She motions for her to go downstairs.

Veronica nods before half walking, half running down the stairs to the door, taking a breath to slow her pounding heart before she opens the door to reveal Duke and McNamara standing on the porch, she waves at Duke but has most her attention on Mac, “Hey.” The yellow girl smiles, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, you look amazing, Mac.” She compliments slipping out the door as Duke enters, saying something to Martha as she closes the door.

“You’re not bad yourself, Ronnie.” She returns grabbing Veronica's hand as they walk to her truck, “So,” she steps closer the taller girl, “Are you going to tell me where we're going now, or are we still going with the surprise?” She finishes as Veronica opens the truck door for her, looking in the back seat she sees a lantern and a couple blankets.

“I was think I could tell you after we got food, but it's up to you, Mac.”

“Okay, I'll bite, let's stick with this mystery a bit longer, I trust you, Ronnie.”

“What sounds good for dinner? Preferably take out.”

“I don't know.” Heather shrugs, she isn't sure if she can eat anything, her stomach is flipping so badly.

“Have you been to Ford’s?” Veronica picks the first place that comes to mind.

It's obviously a good choice as Heather smiles widely, “Not since I was like eight.”

“Then shall we?”

“That sounds great.” Heather nods as Veronica finally pulls away from the house.

After they get food, Veronica pulls away from the drive in, “Okay, we have food, where are you taking me, Ronnie?” Heather asks with a small smile.

“In eighth grade, I ran away from home for about two weeks.” Veronica explains

Heather gives her a look, “I didn't know that,”

“Yeah, my parents tried to keep it on the down low after everything that had been happening. Anyway, that first night, I ran, didn't really care where I went, just away from there.” She continues “and eventually I got to the edge of town, I found this place.” She continues, driving up the hill that marks the easternmost border of town, “I thought it would be a pretty good place for a first date.” She takes a turn that's almost impossible to see but Veronica knows it's there and after a moment they come to a clearing that overlooks the town and has a brilliant view of the sunset painted sky.

“Oh wow.” Heather lets out out a gasp with a smile.

“Pretty good, huh?” She asks with a small laugh getting out of the cab of the truck with the blankets, spreading them in the bed of the truck as Heather slowly gets out of the truck.

“This is amazing, Ronnie.” Heather laughs as Veronica offers her a hand to get up into the bed.

The food now laid out for a picnic and the brunette has a goofy smile on her face, “Glad you like it, Mac.” They sit down and begin eating, chatting easily as the sun finishes setting.

Veronica grabs the electric lantern and turns it on as the sky darkens, putting it behind them, looking back in time to see Heather shiver, just a bit, “You cold?” She asks quickly slipping off her jacket and handing it to Heather who quickly slips it on before doing something that surprises Veronica.

She scoots closer to Veronica, barely a hair’s breadth away, then leans a bit closer, laying her head on the taller girl's shoulder, “This okay?” She asks quietly.

Veronica shifts, putting her arm around the blonde’s shoulders, “Perfect.” She mummers looking up to the star filled sky.

“I was scared when you asked me out.” Heather admits softly looking away from Veronica, who's face creases with worry.

“Mac?” She asks softly, attempting to meet the other girl's eyes.

“When people, boys, asked me on dates, they want sex, and, I mean they're not as violent as the boys on Friday but… they get what they want usually.” Heather shrugs Veronica's arm off.

“Heather, I would never…” just the thought of it, that Heather thought she would do something like that, makes her feel physically sick.

“I know you wouldn't Ronnie, you're too nice for that, but then plenty of people are kind until you're alone with them.”

“Heather…”

“They take you out and buy you stuff and… they want to be paid back.”

“Mac, that's not okay.” Veronica murmurs softly

“I'm sorry. I didn't want to, I'm sorry.” Heather says, fighting back tears, still not turning to face the azure girl.

“Heather, you can always say no,” she carefully puts her hand on Heather's shoulder “Hell if you don't want to even kiss someone you don't have to. If you say no, fuck, if you don't say yes, that's rape, they're no different than the boys from Friday, and you're not at fault for what they do.”

“Veronica.” She murmurs slowly turning to look at her date again, who's looking at her with her big, warm, brown eyes. Heather feels tears prickling in her eyes, memories from previous dates come quickly to her mind as she tries to fight them, “Please,” she whispers, and suddenly she's at her first Remington party, _please, I'm fourteen, stop_.

Then she's on her first date with a senior who whispers, _relax, it'll be easier, stop whimpering._

_Please, I don't want to_

“Please, don't. Please don't.” She mutters feeling the hand on her shoulder.

“Heather. Hey, it's okay. It'll be okay. I won't let it happen again.” She vaguely hears Veronica offer near her, she looks over at her, the brown eyes are now concerned but still warm, with only minor doubts she half falls half leans into the taller girl. “I got you, it'll be okay. I got you.” Veronica whispers into her hair, rubbing her back as Heather cries into her shoulder. “Hey, Mac, do you remember what I said after the party Friday?” She asks as the blondes sobs subside a bit.

“You said lots of things that night.” She pulls away to face the brunette girl.

“I told you, just after we got to my house, that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you again, ever.” She brushes Heather's hair away from her blue eyes, “I meant that, I won't let that happen again, okay?”

Heather nods, a small smile on her face as she curls under Veronica's arm again, a silent plea to prove it, as they both look towards the sky

Veronica hesitates for a moment before raising her free hand towards the sky, motioning to three stars in a row, “Orion’s belt.”

“Why am I not surprised you know the constellations?” Heather smiles.

“Orion is pretty easy to find, Mac. But yeah, I went through a total astronomy phase, Orion was always my favorite story.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, he was a friend of Artemis, Goddess of the hunt, he was a great hunter himself and one day he and his dogs come across Artemis and her nymphs. Anyway, Apollo gets jealous or Orion and his sister, so he makes a giant scorpion, Scorpio, and tries to kill him. He had a dream about the scorpion, knowing he couldn't defeat it he jumps in the ocean, Apollo lies to Artemis saying a man hurt one of her priestesses and was in the ocean, she shoots and her aim is true. But Apollo is thrilled so she asks him who she killed and goes down to find she killed her friend, so she lifts him and his dogs into the sky to honor her friend.”

“Wow, I had no idea,” Heather begins, looking up to Veronica's face, “that you were such a nerd, Ronnie.” She finishes with a small laugh.

“You know what, Mac,” Veronica begins, a huge smile pulling on her lips.

“What?” The yellow girl challenges with a teasing smirk.

Veronica stands offering her hand the the other girl, jumping to the ground, “Can I have this dance?”

“There's no music.” Heather responds with a giggle as she steps out of the truck bed.

“Easily fixed detail.” Veronica grabs her phone and plays a song

**_We'll do it all_  
Everything  
On our own  
We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone**

  
“Can I have this dance?” She tries again, offering her hand with a goofy smile on her face.

“I can't dance, Ronnie.” Heather laughs taking the offered hand nonetheless.

“Hey, me neither.” Veronica responds a faux look of surprise, “I think between the two of us, we can figure it out.” She responds confidently.

__**If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me  
And just forget the world?  
I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel  
Those three words  
Are said too much  
They're not enough**

Sure enough they dance, neither of them know if it looked good or even passable, but neither of them really cared either as the song continues, “I must admit, you're good, Sawyer.” Heather says quietly

“I try, Heather.” She responds with a smile, “But you make it easy.” She moves the hand that's resting on the shorter girl’s hip, brushing her hair away from blue eyes, she had never noticed the flecks of grey in them before.

Suddenly, Heather moves her hand to Veronica's jaw, leaning up and forward, capturing the sapphire girl’s lips with her own, it wasn't as needy as the one from last Friday. The music could still be playing but neither girl would've been able to tell, their hearts were beating too loudly in their chests. Heather smells like lemons but tastes like peppermint Veronica vaguely notes as she hesitantly leans a bit closer to the blonde, running her hand through her soft hair. After several moments, Heather pulls back, a grin on her face, “Wow.” She looks into brown eyes, sighing in relief when she saw no signs of regret in them

“You're pretty wow yourself.” Veronica smiles “That was so much better than I imagined it would be.”

“You imagined that?” Heather asks, “Kissing me?”

“Yep.” Veronica nods unflappably, “Can you blame me, you're kind of amazing.” Still running her hand through the blonde’s hair

“Ronnie,” Heather smiles before leaning in to kiss the taller girl again.

**_All that I am_  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see  
I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all**

  
A loud bang and a flash of light cause them to pull away this time, looking up, they see the weather has taken a turn for the worse and a thunderstorm is quickly rolling in, “Shall we get going?” Veronica asks, grabbing her phone from the edge of the truck.

“Yeah.” Heather nods looking towards the sky as the clouds roll in, she helps Veronica fold the blankets and throw them on the back seat.

Before they get into the truck the sky open and very quickly it's pouring on them, Veronica lifts her palms to the sky with a small laugh, “Excellent timing, Mother Nature has, huh?”

“I mean,” Heather takes a few steps to be right in front of the brunette, cupping the brunette’s jaw in one hand, giving her a quick kiss, “I don't think it's that bad.”

“Yeah, could be worse.” Veronica nods, leaning down and kissing Heather once more before opening the car door for her and jumping into the driver's seat, “You ready?” She smiles.

“Yeah, we should probably go.” Heather laughs, “If I didn't think we'd be murdered for taking too long, my answer would probably be different.”

“I'd say you were wrong, but…” Veronica shrugs, she really wasn't, plus if they stay much longer she'll probably miss a call from her parents then have to deal with that too, she pulls out back to the road, “Are you sure you don't want me to drop you off at your house?” Veronica checks

“Yeah, I'm sure.” Heather nods grabbing Veronica's hand in her own.

“Good. At least I know I didn't do something so bad to scare you off.”

“Nope.” Heather shakes her head, “It’d’ve taken something pretty extreme to drive me off Ronnie.” She brushes her hair behind her ear with a small smile, “This was amazing, best date I've been on in forever.”

“Well you're the best person I've been on a date with, ever, Mac, you made it easy.” Veronica says as she pulls in front of her house.

“We should do this again, I really enjoyed myself.”

“Yes!” The sapphire girl responds perhaps a bit too quickly.

“We’ll plan it later, for now, let’s go face the music.”

“They won't be that bad, will they?”

“Nah, maybe Heather will let us get all the way inside before she begins grilling us together and separately.”

“Speaking from experience?” Veronica asks, not really needing an answer.

“Oh yeah.” Heather nods opening the door to the rain, “Race ya?” She ask jumping out before Veronica can agree, though the brunette is quickly on her heels, they pound onto the porch laughing at nearly the same time. “I win.”

“No you don't you cheater.” Veronica replies between slightly too heavy breaths.”

“Me? A cheater? Veronica I'm shocked you'd accuse me of something so abhorrent.” The yellow girl asks, her hand over her heart in feigned shock.

“Oh, Really?” Veronica asks taking a step towards the blonde, “What do you call that then, Mac?” A laugh hidden behind a mock anger tone.

“Making sure I win the prize, Ronnie.” She replies easily, closing the distance between them more.

“Prize?”

“This.” She replies flipping her now almost soaked hair over her shoulder and kissing the confused girl once more that evening, before pulling away and whispering, “and you get to answer Duke’s questions first.” She turns with a small laugh before opening the door.

“Aw, come on Mac, you wouldn't.”

“Oh but I would, Ronnie.” She walks into the house only to see Heather and Martha staring at the door as Veronica follows close behind

“How'd it go?”

“You two are soaked.”

They say simultaneously as the two girls slip their shoes off.

“Great.” Heather answers

At the same time Veronica replies “We know. It's raining.”

“Go dry off.” Duke smiles “Then we want details.”

“I'll get the Jiffy pop.” Martha volunteers before Veronica and Heather leave to dry off and change clothes. A few minutes later they all return to the room, Martha with popcorn, McNamara and Veronica in closer to sleep clothes. They all sit down as Veronica feels distinctly like she just sat down for an interrogation.

“So, how'd it go?” Martha asks with a smile.

“Great.”

“Wonderful.”

“So, is this gonna be a thing now?” Heather asks motioning between the two girls.

“I don't know.” Veronica turns to look fully at McNamara, “Mac? Do you want it to?”

“I don't know,” She lies, “do you, Ronnie?”

“If you want to, I'd like to, Mac. But it's up to you.”

“Yeah.” Heather nods, threading her fingers through Veronica's, “Let's just see where this goes?”

“That sounds like a brilliant plan.” the azure girl nods.

“Anyway, next question?” McNamara asks, hoping to move on to other topics eventually, but knowing this'll be a long night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for taking so long with this chapter, I kind of gave myself a concussion last Friday so I couldn't really write for about 4 days, plus this chapter was like pulling teeth, so I don't know if this is actually good or just passable. anyway, on to the chapter.

“Cutting it close today, huh ‘Ronica.” Heather offers with a laugh as she walks into the English room.

 

“I still have 15 minutes, besides, my parents got back last night and they wanted to talk to me this morning.”

 

“Did you tell them about your date last Friday?” Heather asks softly looking around the room to make sure no one is listening to them.

 

“Heather.” Veronica warns with a firm shake of her head.

 

And the thought that had nagged her since last Monday, but she really had hoped she was wrong, “‘Ronica, it's not people at school why you are so against anyone knowing, huh? It's your parents.”

 

“Duke. Please.”

 

Hesitantly Heather pushes forward, “You're smart enough to know no one at school is really going to give you shit, no one important at least, not after Ram and Kurt…”

 

Veronica takes a half step back, crossing her arms protectively across her chest, “Everyone is important, Heather.” She responds weakly, her mouth going dry.

 

“You know what I mean.” Heather responds softly.

 

“Even a ‘nobody’ can fuck everything up.” Veronica growls.

 

“In what way?” Heather looks down, “By telling your parents?”

 

“Heather…” Veronica warns looking anywhere but the green girl, “Don't.”

 

Duke puts her hands up in surrender, “Hey, I won't tell anyone, I swear.” Seeing Veronica's eyes soften just a bit, she continues, “I'll kill whatever rumors I hear about before they go anywhere, if the fact that you two are dating comes out, it won't be because of me, okay?” She sighs giving Veronica a look, “You and I both know things like this always come out eventually, what’s the plan when it does?”

 

“I don’t know, if I knew, do you think I would be waiting for the bomb to drop?” Veronica sighs dropping in her seat with a sigh.

 

“You really think it would go that bad?” Heather murmurs as she sits beside her.

 

“I don't think, I know it would go poorly,” she sighs running her hand through her hair with a sigh, “Hell, poorly is an understatement, when they find out…” Veronica sighs softly, pinching the bridge of her nose, Heather puts a hand on her arm.

 

“Okay, hey.” Heather begins, “We’ll figure something out if that does happen.” She notices Veronica smiling at her, “What?”

 

“Sometimes I forget how good of a friend you can be.” Veronica admits softly.

 

“Thanks?” She questions but can't keep the smile off her lips.

 

“Thank you, Heather.” Veronica murmurs just before Ms. Fleming enters the room. Heather turns to face the teacher as Veronica yawns before doing the same.

 

“Morning class, today we’ll be reading our poems I assigned on Monday.” A groan passes through the classroom as she takes roll, looking over her class, “Veronica!” She calls seeing the blue girl half asleep resting her head on her arm.

 

“Yes Ms. Fleming?” Veronica asks snapping awake.

 

“Do you have your poem done?” Fleming asks as Duke watches her friend with a frown, _You sure your parents are the only thing worrying you, ‘Ronica?_

 

“Yeah,” Veronica nods grabbing at papers in her bag, “Yeah, its right here.” She pulls a notebook out.

 

“Good, you're up first.” The English teacher responds as Veronica hesitantly stands and walks to the front to the room, all eyes following her.

 

“So I got the words, amaranth, quell and drowned, so here's what I came up with.” Veronica prefaces before beginning the short poem

 

“Auburn lips  
Twisted smirk,   
frozen hands, this isn't how   
these things are supposed to work  
  
Carmine trails  
Staining snow   
On my knees begging,   
please don't go.  
  
Crimson waves  
Crash overhead  
Drowned apologizes   
In a sea of the dead.  
  
Ruby drops  
Cascading, rippling  
Mixing with those   
Whose memories are crippling.  
  
Scarlet trails  
Over your skin.  
Whispered promises  
Of never again.  
  
Vermilion tongue  
Easy lies  
You leave too,  
Quell surprise.  
  
Amaranth vision  
Broken yells, broken glass,  
In time,   
this too shall pass.  
  
Carnelian knife  
Bloody smile  
Goodbye my love  
I'm judge and jury without the trial  
  
Red streaks  
Across my chin  
There you are Love  
Ready to begin again?”

She speaks clearly though she just wants to be done, facing the back of the room so she doesn't have to see anyone's reaction, when she steps away, the class lets out a modest clap, though Fleming is by far the loudest. Veronica turns to Fleming, motioning to her seat. The English teacher thankfully nods before continuing clapping a few seconds more.

 

“Nice job, ‘Ronica.” Heather offers as she sits back down.

 

“Well, that was a good start, who's next?” Fleming offers before calling another kid to the front.

 

“That was crap,” Veronica mutters to Duke, “I did that in 20 minutes over breakfast.” Resting her head on her hands feeling exhausted

 

“Better than mine.” Heather responds sliding her paper across for the blue girl to read, “Was yours about anyone in particular?” She asks quietly.

 

“Lots of people, no one specific across the stanzas.” Veronica shrugs before turning to the front, not wanting to draw Mrs. Fleming's ire. Duke seems to know the blue girl isn't going to really add much more as she falls quiet too.

 

  * •••••••••••



 

“Happy Birthday, Mac.” Veronica offers as the yellow girl sits by here at their lunch table, handing her a bouquet of tulips before she can enter the car.

 

“Thank you, Ronnie.” Heather smiles, “You're so sweet.” She turns Veronica's head to kiss her cheek quickly.

 

Veronica smiles at her, “You make it easy, being as incredible as you are.” She pulls out into the street, “Ready for next week?”

 

“Yeah, we've pretty much got that move I was telling you about down for the pep rally Monday.”

 

“Now is that move for before or after you become a member of the homecoming court?”

 

“I think maybe Duke knows who the candidates are, but that's just for reaction shot when names are called.”

 

“I bet you I can guess it with 75% accuracy or better.” Veronica responds with a smile, “It's pretty easy to predict.”

 

“Oh?” Heather laughs, “What do you get if you're right?”

 

‘A get out of party card.’ Veronica thinks only to remember the last party she didn't go to, “We do something tomorrow night, just you and me, my choice?”

 

“Doesn't seem like much of a gain on your part, weren't we already planning something?”

 

“Huh, I appear to have messed up on that one.” Veronica shrugs, but doesn't change the request, “And if I don't, what do you get?”

 

“If you get less than 75%, I want you to come have dinner with me and my dad, as my girlfriend.”

 

She watches Veronica’s reaction to the second half of the sentence, her jaw clenches just a bit as her entire body tenses just a bit before she turns to look at Heather, “You're sure?”

 

“Yeah.” Heather nods, “Ronnie, he knows I don't only like guys, he accepts it, if he doesn't like it, he accepts it and me,” she grabs Veronica's hand, “And he fucking loves you,”

 

“He’s only met me a few times.”

 

“He thinks you keep me out of trouble.” Heather shrugs, “and you get me out of it when I get in too deep.”

 

“You don't think he'll be mad? Hate me or you? Tell my parents?” Veronica asks softly.

 

“I wouldn't have even suggested it if I thought that was a possibility.” Heather soothes.

 

Veronica nods, “You don't have to win this stupid bet for us to tell your dad, it's up to you.”

 

“If I win we tell him today, you can come to my birthday dinner?” Heather offers her hand under the table with a crooked smile.

 

“If you're sure...” Veronica nods taking the offered hand, “Okay, four seniors for each court position, from the short list of 32, 16 guys and 16 girls, right?” She asks rhetorically before sighing, “okay, girls or guys first?” She looks to Heather as she pulls back onto the road.

 

“Ladies first.” Heather offers.

 

“Okay, You and Duke, Courtney and Emily.” Veronica lists off as Heather quickly writes the names down on a spare scrap of paper, “and the guys, Christian, Cole, Ian and Kyle.” Feeling confident about all the names except Emily and Kyle, Emily is filling the slot that should have been Chandler’s and Kyle is taking Kurt’s spot, they're wild cards in her guessing, Ian was too but much less so.

 

“Final answers?” Heather asks folding the paper.

 

“Yep.” Veronica nods.

 

“Yep what?” Duke asks as she and Martha return to the table with their lunches, Duke’s looks light, _maybe she'll actually keep it down today._

 

“Veronica bet me she could guess the Court; think you could tell me she's wrong?” Heather asks sliding the paper to Heather.

 

“You know I can't tell you…”

 

“I know, just tell me how many are wrong, please?”

 

“Three of them by the looks of it.”

 

“Thank you, Heather. You free at 7, Ronnie?”

 

“I'll be there at 7, promise.” Veronica nods before taking a bite of her apple.

 

  * •••••••••••



 

At 6:54 Veronica stands in front of the McNamara’s door hesitating a few moments before knocking.

 

“Hey, Ronnie.” Pulling the taller girl into a hug

 

“Hey, Mac.” Veronica responds before pulling away, “You're sure about this?” She brushes the blonde’s bangs away from blue eyes.

 

“Yeah, are you?”

 

“I trust you.” Veronica replies.

 

“Heads up, he's totally going to grill you.” Heather reminds quietly, “But like I said at lunch, he’ll also remember who stopped me a couple weeks ago.”

 

“I figured he would.” Heather smiles softly before grabbing Veronica's hand and leading her into the house.

 

“Heather? Is that Veronica?” They hear Heather’s father ask after the door closes.

 

“Yeah, Dad. I- we have something we have to talk to you about, please?” Heather asks softly as they get up to the main level, Mr. McNamara has his back to them

 

“Sure Sweetie.” He turns to face them with a smile, “What's up?”

 

“I'm dating Veronica.” Heather states simply, thankfully not letting go of Veronica’s hand as the man’s gaze turns to the azure girl.

 

“Miss Sawyer?”

 

“Yes sir?” she asks knowing she’s being studied.

 

“How long has this been going on?”

 

“Almost two weeks.”

 

“Is it okay if I ask you, a few things?” It's not a question.

 

“Yes, definitely.” She answers nonetheless.

 

“I assume you're going to college?”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“You know where?”

 

“Harvard, Columbia, Brown, I'm not 100% sure yet.” She offers.

 

“Ivy League, so, you're smart, and you seem to have a bright future.” He nods, “How much of one do you suppose you'll have if I find out you don't treat her with the utmost care and respect, or you make her cry?”

 

“I don't suppose it'd be much.” She meets his eye and doesn't let her gaze waver, “Good thing I don't intend for that to happen.”

 

“Good.” He nods, “I hope it doesn't.”

 

“Daddy, come on, Ronnie won't, she's amazing.” Heather responds leaning into Veronica's shoulder, Veronica gives a small smile.

 

“I'm sure you're right, sweetheart.” He smiles, “Now, shall we finish getting ready to eat? Could you two grab the stuff from the counter?” Veronica lets out a small sigh in relief, that went about 1000 times better then she had worried about.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Sure, dad.” When they're back by the counter, outside of her dad's hearing range, "Hey, see, I told you it'd be okay." she murmurs softly, putting her hand on the other girl's shoulder

 

"Yeah, I'll admit, you're right, Mac." she nods, though can't bring herself to meet Heather's eyes nor truly smile.

 

"You good, Ronnie?" Heather asks, a small frown marring her face.

 

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, Mac, I'm just thinking."

 

"Mmh." Heather nods, not really seeming to believe her, running  her hand along the inside of Veronica's inner arm, "Hey, you promised you'd talk to me, what's wrong?"

 

"I will, later, kay? Let's just eat, please?"

 

"Swear?"

 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just my shit." Veronica sighs running her hand through her hair, "I'm fine." She smiles.

 

"Hmm, I almost believe you, Hon."

 

"Worth a shot." Veronica shrugs, "I promise, I'll explain later." She replies, handing a bowl to Heather before grabbing one herself, let's just get through tonight."

**Author's Note:**

> So I really don't know what I think about this, I usually hang around a fandom for at least a month before I write anything, let alone publish anything. So please let me know your thoughts, I'll try and post next chapter soon.


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